HIM (bxb)(Boyxboy)

Chapter 4

I walked Jacob and Chelsea out to the front door. Today was actually a pretty good day! We got started on the project and it seems that they really like Carter. And Carter seemed to really like them as well! I'm actually kinda happy and relieved that they aren't hostile to each other. People usually say that children are the best judge of character, which is why I'm so happy they like each other.

As I walked up the stairs, I saw Carter yawn. He had a lot of fun today, so of course he would be tired.

"Come here, baby boy," I said, pulling Carter onto my lap on my bed. He was still small enough for me to lift up easily and fit in my lap comfortably. I hugged him close to my chest and started rocking my body. Just being here with him is relaxing.

"I like them," he said, breaking the comfortable silence. "I really like the boy."

"Jacob?" I asked.

"If that's his name," Carter said casually. He was leaning against my arm while I rocked the both of us. He was fidgeting with his fingers as he spoke. I rested my chin on his head softly. "I think he was pretty cool!" he said.

"You know who else is cool?" I playfully, with a grin growing on my face. He couldn't see the smile since my head was still on top of his.

"The girl?"

"Nah," I said, grinning harder.

"Then who?" he asked stop innocentlty, it made me second guess myself. Children just have a way of making me weak from cuteness overload. Just everything they do is too much for me.

"Me!" I chuckled as I threw my hands into his side and started tickling him. He was extremely ticklish and watching him laugh and yell while his face turned red was cute. He tried saying something along the lines of "stop" but he couldn't. I just kept tickling him.

"No... You're not... Cool... Dad's... Aren't supposed... To be cool..." he said, inbetween large bellows of laughter.

Wait. What?! Did he just call me his dad? I stopped tickling him to let him breathe and so I could think. I'm not his dad! I mean, I'm getting mixed feelings here. I'm kinda honored: I'm such a good babysitter that he assumes that I'm his father. But at the same time, it makes my heart so sad. Just the fact that he would even think I'm his father means he doesn't have that kind of relationship with his. Carter spends most his time with me and his dad is always out anyways, but that still makes me so sad. He had his own home with mom and dad, no matter how much they hated each other and Carter. It was still his home!

Gah! I just need to stop thinking about it. I just can't let him see it get to me. He would definitely notice, being the little genius he is. I need to think of something.

"But I'm not your daddy," I said, jokingly. I crept my hands closer to him to prepare another tickle fight.  

"I know. But I wish you were," he said. Oh my gosh! How do I respond to that?!

I decided to just ignore it and keep playing with him. I mean, I couldn't respond, even if I wanted to. And he seemed fine about it too. So I guess it was okay. This has never happened to me before.

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I woke up with Carter lying next to me. I mentally sighed and stroked his hair. His parents treated him so badly and he doesn't know anything else. Its really heart wrenching for me to see him everyday. He doesn't think anything is wrong with the way his family is.

A part of me just wanted to be his everything. I wanted to be his fatherly figure, to be at his awards ceremony and to be there for him forever. It might be the fact that I lacked that figure for myself growing up but I really do love him and I don't want him to lack that experience. But unfortunately, I can't and that makes me sad.