Poetry: the things I won't say out loud

5.

i saw you again. for the first time since i left you.

everyone told me i deserved better

at the time, i didn't think i did.

now i know.

the emotional abuse and manipulation i could withstand. i told myself i would leave if or when you ever hit me.

and when you crossed that line, for far too many times to count, i showed up to my brothers doorstep again.

constantly having to hold back tears as you throw back shots.
i gave it my all, you gave me me nothing at all and wondered why i left.

i packed my bags for my brothers house.

leaving you
hoping you find someone who loves you better than i do.

and when you saw me, you also saw him.

the man who fixed the godforsaken mess that you made me.

and when we made eye contact, i finally let go.
and now i am able to forget that you existed
but not forget the experience.