The Hours We Have

prologue

I watched the world fade away.

A soft kiss of summer breeze feathered across my skin and in response, I pulled my knees closer to my chest. I wasn't cold, I just felt safer from the world this way. I felt like I was protecting myself but I was the only one on the rooftop tonight. Alone, as always.

Pastel colors smeared long and far across the sky as the glowing sun lowered onto the city horizon. Thousands of city lights glimmered like the surface of a lake and it was breathtaking to witness right before the starry sky stole the entire show. Although it was my favorite time of day, I was far away from the present. 

My mind was in the past, three years ago, when my parents were murdered. 

It had been the worst day of my life. 

I can still remember the police officers in our living room, solemn faces overshadowed by the flashing red and blue lights from the window. Late at night, we had been roused from sleep by hard knocking on the front door. I knew something was horribly wrong before the officers even spoke but I could never forget the expressions on my brothers faces. 

I was only seventeen at the time and to be told that my parent's bodies had been found in a dumpster -- it shattered me. I had never seen my brothers cry until that night, and I hadn't known it then, but I would never see them cry again for the next three years. In the blink of an eye, tragedy hit us harder than we were expecting that night and our lives changed forever.

They left behind five kids who had to try and glue our family back together. An older brother who unexpectedly had to fight for the custody of his three younger siblings. A lot had changed. We were never the same but we decided to continue living together, even after we passed the legal age to leave the household. It wasn't easy living with four brothers but it wasn't like any of us had a choice, and we made due like we always did when things got hard. 

I had always been extremely close with my mother. She was like the rock in my storm, her love unconditional for all of us. When I lost her, I felt like my whole world had come crashing down around me. In a way, it had, because I never recovered. I never healed. I threw myself headfirst into the adult world and I never looked back. 

I picked up a part-time waitressing job downtown when I was seventeen and ever since I turned eighteen, I was trying to put myself through college. I took online classes because it was cheaper. My oldest brother, Mikeal, was working an office job at Mariano Industries -- one of the most successful businesses in the world. He was able to cover most of our expenses and whatever was left, I helped out. 

My second oldest brother, Ezra, dropped out of medical school when our parents died and he was currently working odds-and-end jobs to help pay the costs. I never really saw him that much. Out of all my brothers, he and I were the furthest apart. Our walls were too high to see each other and I wasn't going to climb, just to be thrown out. 

My younger brothers were twins. Roman was the oldest twin by eight minutes and then there was Julian, the only brother I still felt a connection with. They were the only ones left that hadn't been pressed and flattened by society, and as their older sister, I felt personally responsible for their futures and I would do anything to protect them. 

It all boiled down to one point. We all handled the loss of our parents differently and we never spoke of it. After that night, our hearts were a bit colder, our smiles a little faker, and our pain a little bit deeper than a superficial wound. 

I knew it was inevitable that the pain had forced us to grow apart, just as much as we grew up overnight, but I felt like a part of us had died with my parents. I never realized how much our mother mediated between us until she was gone. As siblings, we truly misunderstood each other, and we never bothered to figure it out. Especially emotions. 

Mikeal wouldn't speak when his mind was heavy. Ezra acted out in anger when he was truly hurt. Roman was always getting into fights to numb the pain. Julian, well, he was the only one who actually talked to me about his feelings. I was always willing to listen, even if my own heart was bleeding. 

The universal solution was to drown ourselves in work, that way we didn't have time for anything else -- and unfortunately, each other. For the oldest ones, we worked at our jobs in every spare moment because we had bills to pay and ends to meet. For the twins, they started getting into fights at school, and although they didn't have the best grades, they still tried and that's all I would ask of them. 

I felt like I was the glue, holding everyone together, and that was why I never allowed myself to dwell in the past. Only at night when I couldn't sleep, when no one could see the tears in my eyes, or hear the cracking of my terribly fragile heart. I dealt with my issues and then I took care of my brothers. They needed me and I would be there, even when I felt like I didn't belong. 

More often than none, I was forced to adopt the mother figure. I know they hated me for it but someone had to, we needed some kind of familiarity in this scary world we had been thrown into. Nothing seemed to make sense to me and I was trying my best to go through the motions. 

I was just trying to survive. 

I sighed, the sun had dropped below the horizon now, and darkness crowded around me. I laid back against the cool tiles of the roof and let my gaze wander into the sky. A sea of stars winked at me, inviting my imagination to wander further than this dark place I was stuck in, and I happily obliged to daydreaming by night. 

Because then, at least, I could feel like I wasn't falling apart with every tick of the clock. I could let my mind wander to brighter thoughts, hopes, and dreams, while the weight of reality was waiting to take me down while I was at my weakest. I suppose that's what hurt the most, is that time waited for no one, and it didn't matter how many bullets had been fired.

It was five of us against the world.

And I was just one girl against four brothers.  

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Penny for your thoughts? 

I'm honestly quite proud of how much background was introduced, especially since this is a whole new genre for me. But, I cannot wait to begin healing these siblings.  

Oh, and please don't trust me, I like to surprise you. 

Regular updates will begin April 1st, 2021.