The Hours We Have

chapter forty-six

Change is a constant. 

In every situation, change is present. We simply cannot live life without change because we aren't meant to be the same people we were yesterday, last month, last year. Just like our bones grow, our hearts are meant to grow as well. Even if we gain a few battle scars along the way, it's okay to say that we are survivors. 

I had never thought about it but in our darkest times, we look at the stars. Just like I often did when the city slept. We gaze into the night sky as if in the dark, we can find a star to guide us home. One that twinkles and shines in the world every night. 

We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. That makes us ninety-three percent stardust, with a heart that burns like a flame in the dark, and it turns out that we are all just stars that have names. And when we die, well, that's when a new star lights up the night sky. 

So, if we are made of stardust, then why can't we guide ourselves home? 

I've heard people say that home isn't a place, it can be the people, and sometimes it's simply a feeling. I never understood what they meant because I had been so busy clinging to the house that my parents had once lived in, to a past feeling that had died with them. 

I had been grasping the broken pieces of the past too tightly, instead of holding them gently and letting go of the ones that were piercing my delicate skin. I had been holding onto the pain, and the unfairness of life, and it was killing my soul.

All of us were, in our own defense. 

But, we had come a long way in accepting each other and letting our walls down so that the other can look over. Our first response to pain is slamming doors, our fear is feeling the pain again, and our final decision should always be to let go. The objective is not to stop feeling altogether but to simply feel it and let it continue to pass. Just as time is ever passing. 

However, we are creatures of security, and the unknown scares us. We want to know what's on the other side of the door before we open it and let in what we have been trying to shut out. One thing that I had learned is that emotions cannot be ignored, they demand to be known, but that doesn't mean our emotions have to control us. 

It is a delicate balance that is taught through struggle. 

For three years, we have struggled. With the loss of our parents, with the loss of connection with each other, and with the fact that we could barely make enough money to support ourselves. We struggled with ourselves and each other, but in the end, our struggle led to our growth. 

Our pain had made us into the people we are today. 

And we all stood in the kitchen, staring at each other with wide eyes with our emotions on display. Even Malia was shocked by the news, caught up in the middle of an explosion waiting to happen. 

"So, did you buy the house?" Ezra broke the stunned silence, only to send us all back into more shock because it was more news. My jaw dropped open, my eyes zeroed on Mikeal for an explanation. He was staring at Ezra in disbelief, probably that Ezra had spoken it.

"Shut up!" Julian shouted, "A house?! What house? Where?" 

His outburst broke me from my silence. "I thought we weren't keeping secrets in this house!" I rose my voice. 

"Are we moving and nobody thought to tell us?" Roman piped up, joining the chaos that had erupted in the kitchen on a typically calm Saturday afternoon. "When were you going to tell us? Before or after the house was sold? It's the middle of the school year, what are we gonna do for school?"