My Cutie 『seungjin』✔️

Chapter .9.

Seungmin's POV:

I slowly wake up and rub my puffy eyes. I still can't stop thinking about what Lucas said
Maybe they where just being nice and don't really like me. I feel like crying again.

I rub my eyes again and pick up my phone.

Jinnie hyung ❤️
-93 unread messages-

Jeonginnie 🦊
-40 unread messages-
Lixue☀️
-37 unread messages-
Seungie 🐿
-34 unread messages-

I sigh and quickly text everyone I'm fine (witch clearly I'm not but whatever) i put my phone down and sluggishly walk downstairs to feed snowy, then into the kitchen.

I look at all the food and start to feel sick.
Maybe I should diet
You should you need like loose weight (italics are his bad thoughts)
Maybe if I loose weight I'll be pretty enough to even talk with them
I close the fridge and just grab a glass of water
I don't need to eat right.
It's not like anyone will notice
That's true.
No one ever looks at you
That's also true
I sigh again into the living room and turn on the TV, I flip to a random K-drama and start watching it.

About an hour later my stomach grows loudly but I ignore it and drink another glass of water.
Maybe I'll have lunch
Your seriously thinking about eating
You don't need lunch just drink water
No one will notice if you starve yourself
You'll finally be skinny
Maybe they'll finally like you

Before I know it I'm crying again. Their right no one pays attention to me they won't know
I'm starving myself
It's not like they care
No one likes you
There not going to notice
Lucas is right you are fat a pig
"STOP!!" I scream as I fall to the floor finally breaking down. The tears won't stop streaming down my face
"I finally got rid of all the bad thoughts. I thought I was going to be happy" I sob and sob only to cry so hard and pass out on the cold hard floor.

I wake up hours later.
It is around dusk about eight now.
I have been passed out for around five or more hours probably from crying and getting barely getting any sleep the night before. My stomach hurts so bad I can barely move. But I can't and won't eat anything. I'm still tired even though I've slept for so long. I want to see Hyunjin but I know he doesn't want to see me. I want to cry again but my eyes are so puffy and hurt so I don't think it is a good idea.

I finally get up and drag myself to the kitchen to feed snow.
I look at the fridge but then decide just to grab another glass of water.
After I drink like four glasses I put the cup in the sink and force myself to go to my room
Snow follows close behind. He goes to his bed as I fall into mine.
I curl into a ball ignoring the sharp pain in my stomach from not eating all day. And sleep

The next day:

I wake up at around 8:30
I can barely move
I have no energy
I force myself to move and grab my phone
I call JYP and take off the rest of the week.
They won't miss me
I let my phone fall onto the bed and I force my self to sit up but immediately regret it because I'm now dizzy
I have to feed snow so I slowly get up and shuffle to the kitchen and get the dog food witch is a lot heavier than i remember.

I pour the dog food into the bowl and I drink more water. Then drag myself back to my room just to lay there for hours on end trying to ignore my stomach who is pleading to be fed. I try to distract myself by watching YouTube, listening to music to watching TV.

I am very mad at my self because I ate a little under half an apple.
I just couldn't take the pain anymore.
My stomach still really hurts but at least i am becoming used to the pain.

As the week goes on I do the same exact thing
Force myself the get up, drink water, and distract myself from the horrible pain in my stomach.

Over the last week I have started a weight log.
Have lost about 10 pounds.
I have lost weight really fast but It's still not enough.
Today is Sunday. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm not excited to see everyone
I'm sure they don't miss me
I haven't responded to any of their messages. I read them but don't respond.
I'm sure they are just being nice and don't care if I'm all right or not.
I soon fall asleep

Hyunjin POV

Im worried for Minnie he has not been in for a week but manager says it's because he is sick but I don't believe it. Minnie is always excited to be here
He is also not responding to any of our messages
We all are really worried
I hope he is ok.

『937 words』
——
Hello everyone I just wanted to say that it is not ok to try to starve yourself.
An eating disorder is a serious matter and I'm not putting it in this book to be funny. I just want to let you know are beautiful the way you are and if you need to talk to anyone I'm here and will never judge you.
I love you all
❤️