westward grove

nineteen

I absolutely hated clubs. The overpriced alcohol, the overpriced party drugs, and terrible EDM music were obnoxious. Zayn wanted to go out, though, and who was I to say no. We hadn't seen each other much lately, and I missed him. 

We were in the middle of the club, dancing with and on each other. I was high out of my mind on coke, and a little drunk from the martinis I had consumed earlier. Despite my usual distaste for it, I was vibing with the music incredibly hard. It was all I could focus on, until Zayn turned around.

"We need to get out of here." He shouted into my ear. Sweat was dripping down his face, and his hair was messy. I looked into his eyes, slightly alarmed by how bloodshot they were.

I shook my head. "No way. We just got here like, an hour ago." I argued.

"We've been here for four hours." Zayn told me, cocking an eyebrow. I tried to wrap my head around that fact. It genuinely felt like only an hour had passed. What have I been doing for four  hours?

"Fuck." I thought out loud.

"Will you be alright if I leave you here by yourself?" He asked.

"Yeah, I have my phone and money for a cab." I answered, trying not only to convince him, but myself.

"Be careful," Zayn said. He nodded at me before turning around and vanishing into the crowd. I knew I should be going with him, but I wanted to stay. I wasn't ready to go home and deal with everything that had been going on lately. I was here, and I was so alive and in the moment. I hadn't felt this good in a while, and I was desperate to savor the feeling.

I continued to dance, by myself in the middle of the club. At some point, I made my way over to the bar and took a few shots. Afterwards, I went back to dancing, a bit less coordinated now. I still found a way to make it work.

After a questionable amount of time had passed, I headed towards the bathroom. I pushed through the huge crowd of sweaty bodies, eventually making it into line. There were only a few girls in front of me, and I wasn't in a huge rush.

Eventually, it was my turn to use the stall. After locking the door, I pulled my wallet out of my bra. I took my credit card and a baggie out of it. With a considerable amount of concentration, I managed to get an appropriate amount of coke onto the corner of the card. I snorted the bump without a second thought. I threw my head back, immediately feeling a rush of adrenaline and post nasal drip. Once the initial backlash of the drug wore down, I exited the stall. After washing my hands and exiting the bathroom, I started dancing again as though nothing had happened.

As I progressively sobered up over the night, I began thinking more clearly. It was probably getting pretty late, and I definitely needed to get home. The club was still packed, with other people that didn't seem to care about the time. I pushed through the crowd once again, this time towards the exit.

As soon as I ripped the club doors opened, I was blinded by the sudden light. The loud hum of music from the club boomed behind me, and the sound of birds chirping was all around. I absorbed the fresh air, grateful to finally be able to truly breathe. I turned around to take one last look at the club before trying to get a taxi.

After a little effort, I hailed down a cab and was on my way home. The clock in the car read 6:34 am. I groaned internally at the realization that Lauren was probably already awake and wondering where I was. I didn't have a solid excuse for staying out so late. Or so early. Depending on how you looked at it. In my defense, I had absolutely no idea what time it was. 

Lauren had been getting on my case about stuff  like this lately. I didn't blame her for being upset with me. I was partying frequently, and my drug use was at an all time high. I wished things were different, but my life had become a downward spiral and I had no idea what to fucking do.