comfort zone ➳ the vampire diaries

chapter twenty one

"You need to make sure you can control it in a public place before you go back to school," Stefan explained as we drove to the Town Square, which was currently filled with people.

"I can do this," I said more to myself than to Stefan as he parked the car.

"Let's hope."

We got out of the car and walked into the grass, an aching feeling in my throat arising once I became hyperaware of everyone's heartbeats and the sounds of their blood flowing through their veins.

"You okay?" Stefan asks, looking at me intently.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I breathed, taking a deep breath. We continued to walk through the Town Square that was filled with people, the feeling becoming overwhelming.

"Stefan, we need to leave,"

"We're almost -"

I attempted to lunge at the nearest person, Stefan grabbing me and holding me back.

"Forget what just happened."

The girl walked off and in a flash we were back at Stefan's car.

"Maybe Damon should help you with this,"

The mention of Damon's name sent a whole wave of emotions. Why did he make me forget that I loved him? He was the first person that I really loved and - contrary to Caroline's beliefs - he didn't compel me to love him. It was on my own free will. It was like once the compulsion wore off, everything I felt for him before came back, but it also hurt because we weren't together anymore.

"Should I not have just mentioned him?"

I didn't notice that I was crying. "No, it's fine. Like you said, everything is heightened." I wiped away the tears.

We were at the boarding house moments later, and as much as I didn't want to go in, I needed answers.

"Tatiana." Damon says without turning around.

"Why did you do it, Damon?"

"I was dying, she kissed me."

"But then you ignored me. All summer." I say, coming into the room.

"Because I then realized, I was just fooling myself,"

"You dick."

And there goes my rage turning into tears again.

"I was never good for you, Tatiana!" Damon defends himself, rising to his feet and coming to me.

"You think I didn't know that?!"

"Then why did you try? Why did you love me?"

"I didn't try, Damon, it just happened!" I shouted, looking up at him as he slowly got closer.

"I'm sorry. I love Elena."

He disappeared, leaving me to think about what just happened.

Damon

"I don't mind if you love Elena, but leaving Tatiana for her when it's just not going to happen?" Stefan says.

"We can just get Tatiana to turn her humanity off, she'll forget about her feelings,"

"Until her switch is flipped back on and she remembers it all even more," Stefan states. I rolled my eyes.

"Then what do you suggest?" I ask quizzically, taking a swig of bourbon.

"You screwed up, there's nothing to suggest."

Stefan leaves the room and I'm left to think of my decisions. If I had a dollar for every time I screwed up...