Seeing the Light

Chapter 6

Iris' POV:

I was meeting Rose for quite some time now. We met almost everyday at our local park, but really didn't talk. We just sat there, drinking boba or coffee for hours until it was sunset. We just enjoyed each other's presence. But today, she seemed upset.

"What's wrong?" I slowly asked her. Were we close enough to talk about our problems? "You seem upset." She took a sip of her tea and smiled. Her forced smile. "It's fine. Don't worry." She took another nervous sip and stayed silent.

After a long 5 minute silence, she blurted out, "No, I actually am not fine." she started fidgeting with her inhaler and took a big breath. "I have a best friend. Or at least used to. Her name is Eliza. She left a couple years ago, her parents forced her to. And today's her birthday. Even though it's been 2 years, I'm still thinking about it." I nodded. "Do you miss her a lot?" She nodded. "I miss her, but the thing is.. Everyone says it's my fault that she left. And I don't understand how it is!"

"Well, what did you do?" I asked. "Did you tell her to go away? Or did you do something to her?" She shook her head and grabbed her hair. "That's the thing! I didn't do anything to her. She's the one who sent me a text that her parents found out about," she exclaimed. "It's not my fault!" I patted her on the back and tried to process the information. "What's the text?" She shook her head. "I don't wanna talk about it. Sorry."

"I'm sorry about that. You probably don't have a problem and I just bothered you with mine." she said. I laughed. No problems? Oh, she really didn't know what a real problem at home was. "It's fine. I also have problems of my own, everyone does," I replied. "Wanna tell you about them? You probably don't wanna hear it."

"No, no, tell me." she said. I was a bit hesitant here. What would she do after I told her that my parents both do drugs and drink? I never told anyone about my parents except in 6th grade to my friend that "stopped" being friends with me afterwards. She was the closest to a friend I've ever had since that incident. Would I lose her too? "Uh, well-l-l..." I stuttered. I then realized that I've never cared what people thought of me. Why would I care what Rose thought of me? "My parents both do drugs and drink. They're never sober and my dad gets abusive when he's high." I looked at Rose' face to see a horrified look.

"Oh no.. Are you okay?" she asked. Are you okay? I hadn't had anyone ask me that. The teachers only got mad at me. My friends thought I would be a bad influence for them. People called me rude and snobby. Nobody had bothered to ask me if I was okay. She did though. Rose did. It was like she understood. Maybe she did. "No. I'm not okay." I responded shakily. I wanted her to understand. I was gonna make her understand. "My dad is scary. He scares me every night I lay in bed. I can't think straight thinking that my own dad could come into my room and abuse me for no reason. My door is so crappy, it's gonna break down any time soon." My hands trembled thinking about him. It was true. I had never had one night where I wasn't anxious that he was going to come in.

"My mom is no different. She's high 24/7 and faints so much, I can't count. Maybe she thinks saying I'm pretty and I'm her cute baby makes me feel better inside. But, I don't want a mom that compliments me everyday, every hour just because she's drunk. I want a mom that can say I'm smart and pretty because I did something. More than that, I want a mom that isn't drunk every time I see her. I want a picture-perfect family like in the movies. But I can't have that. They chose to have me, but they weren't prepared for it. It would have been better to not be born at all than have to live with parents like them." My eyes started watering with tears.

"I have to buy my own food. My own clothes. Pay rent by myself and my aunt who really doesn't care about me. And everyone says I'm rude and stupid. Maybe I'm rude and stupid because I have parents that are high and I have to protect myself. They never ask me if I'm okay. They never take a second to think about why I'm not doing my homework. Not everyone has a perfect life. Do they even think about that?"

My shoulders wouldn't stop shaking. I was crying. I hadn't cried for so long. My chest was violently moving with warm tears pouring down my face. I felt Rose's warm hands around my shoulders and realized she was hugging me. She was hugging me. Someone was hugging me. Someone cared about me. My breath was warm against my hands as my hair waved in the warm afternoon breeze. The sunlight was bright in our direction and my hands couldn't stop from blocking it.

The light felt good. Crying felt good. The orange sky looked good. The warm breeze felt good. Being hugged felt good.

Being cared for felt good...

Rose's POV:

Iris looked so pained on that day. I never knew her parents were druggies and drank so much... How is it that someone can look like they don't have a single worry in the world, but it's a completely different story back home? I wish I knew sooner, so I could have helped her. But even if I did, how could I have helped her? All I do is mess things up. I don't want to hurt someone again. Never, ever again.

"I hate it when you worry about me," Eliza said. "I told you not to pay attention to stuff like that!" I was confused. "You're my best friend. Why would I not worry about stupid rumors going around about you?" She frowned. "You're not helping me, you're making me feel worse."

I ignored her. "No, I will worry about you."

"That's what friends do."

That's what friends do. I thought worrying about her was caring for her. But really, I was hurting her more until she eventually gave in. Maybe I was the reason she was sent away. If I hadn't worried about her, she wouldn't have been hurt, and then never would've had to tell me that. Then her parents would never know.

Yes, it was my fault. It was. I was such a dumb idiot, helping no one. I couldn't help my best friend, so how could I dare try to help Iris? I dug my head into the pillow.

Even if I could help, Iris wouldn't want it. I was ugly and fat. I was stupid and dumb. She was so pretty and what would a pretty girl like her want to do with an ugly girl with me? Oh, her nose was so tall and small and her hazelnut eyes with her hecka long eyelashes were just so.. perfect.

I went to the restroom and stared at myself for a long time. My ugly eyes and fat nose with my pimples looked like the definition of hideous. I was hideous, both inside and out. I had made my friend leave. My stupid personality made her leave. I wasn't good in any way. I couldn't help Iris. I couldn't help anyone.

But could I try?