If I lose myself

Chapter 6. "Then I'll wait here." ✔️

"Well, Camz is out for the count," Lauren sighed, emerging from the bedroom and pulling the door closed behind her so that it clicked shut.

"She's ok though?" Ally asked the concern she felt for Camila palpable in the nervous lilt of her voice.

"Yeah, she's ok," Lauren said as she made her way back over to the living room where her friends were all gathered. "She'll be awake soon enough. She just needs to rest for a bit. It always takes her a little while to come around properly after her seizures."

Lauren squeezed herself into a small gap on the sofa between Normani and Ally, her whole body sinking back into the cushions as she slumped down into the seat and leaned her head against the fabric behind her.

"Are you alright?" Clare asked, watching as Lauren exhaled a deliberately slow breath.

"Fantastic," Lauren answered, closing her eyes and kneading at a spot on her forehead, just above her right eye, with her fingertips. "Today's been absolutely amazing so far." She said, the sarcasm radiating off of her in waves.

"Can we do anything to help?" Normani asked, not missing the inflection in Lauren's voice. "Maybe we should go and let you have some time to yourself?" she suggested.

"No," Lauren said, dropping her arm and placing a hand on Normani's knee in grateful acknowledgment of her offer. "It's alright." She told them. "I'd really appreciate some company right now so, please don't leave unless you have to." She pleaded. "I don't want to be left alone."

"As long as you're sure..." Normani said searchingly.

"I'm sure," Lauren assured her easily, her eyes scanning the room to find Dinah sat in one of the armchairs; Karla safely in her lap, reading one of her storybooks.

"Besides, we all had plans to spend the evening together and Camz wouldn't want us to change them because of her."

"How long do you think she'll be asleep for?" Ally asked; sitting forward and leaning one elbow on the arm of the sofa, her hand propping her head up as she looked at Lauren.

"I don't know," Lauren replied. "It varies every time she has a seizure. It could be anything from ten minutes to fifteen days." She said; trying to make light of Camila's extended stay on the ICU at the beginning of their senior year of high school but failing, her stomach rolling disagreeably at the recollection.

"She didn't hit her head when she fell, did she?" Normani questioned; the memory of Camila's seizure at her house still extremely vivid, the visceral response it elicited astounding.

"No, I don't think so," Lauren answered, meeting Normani's gaze. "She seems to be in one piece. At least, I didn't notice any obvious cuts or anything."

"That's something I guess," Clare said, scrolling through her phone distractedly; the topic of Camila's epilepsy always making her feel uneasy, the personal guilt she still felt over her uncles' involvement in the smaller girls accident never having lessened, even after all this time.

"Does it still scare you when she has a seizure?" Normani asked Lauren, not picking up on Clare's discomfort.

"It terrifies me," Lauren returned honestly, looking over at Dinah again, who was studying her closely.

"I don't know how you do it," Ally remarked.

"Do what?" Lauren responded, a little confused by the comment.

"Deal with it on a daily basis," Ally elucidated. "You must be on edge all the time waiting for something to happen?"

"Not really," Lauren told her. "Not anymore. She's only had three seizures in the last two years. It's not like she's having them all the time like she was, to begin with."