If I lose myself

Chapter 8. "Maybe I wanted to." ✔️

"So, how's Camren?" Clare broached carefully, tilting her head forward so that she could look over the top of her glasses at Lauren, who was sat across the table from her.

The two of them were having coffee together at the campus Starbucks the following Wednesday, waiting, as they always did, for Camila to finish her shift at the university library.

"Camz and I are great," Lauren said truthfully; her emerald eyes, which had been absentmindedly roaming the relatively quiet coffeehouse, returning to look at the brunette opposite her. "Actually, things have been really good between us since I spoke to her last week." She shared, reaching forward for her caramel macchiato and picking it up cautiously.

She slumped back in the sofa she was occupying and took a small sip of the beverage, careful not to burn her mouth on the hot liquid.

"Ok, don't take this the wrong way," Clare started, relaxing back into her own chair and resting one arm casually across the back of it. "I mean, I'm really happy that you and Camila are doing so well, but, you do know that not everything is about you two, right?" she asked, smiling playfully at Lauren, who was having another sip of her drink. "I was actually talking about Normani's cat, not your relationship." She joked, crossing one leg over the other and looking much too pleased with herself. "Apparently Camren's been staying out all night with this gang of strays from the neighborhood and Normani's really concerned that they're going to get her addicted to catnip," she teased.

"You've got to be kidding me," Lauren complained, her coffee cup held firmly in both her hands, the fingers of her right threaded through the handle to keep it securely in her grasp.

"Why would I joke about something as serious as this?" Clare asked; her tone neutral despite the huge grin she wore. "Everyone knows that catnip is just a gateway drug Lauren," she stated, unable to stifle the laugh which escaped her lips. "Next thing you know Camren will be on the meow meow and we'll have to help Normani stage an intervention."

"Why do you insist on being like this?" Lauren asked her, also laughing now.

"Please, you know how much I hate being serious," Clare criticized loftily, still smiling. "It's much too exhausting for me. Besides, things got kind of intense at your apartment last week and that was largely down to me." She reminded Lauren. "We haven't really had a chance to talk properly about what happened yet and I feel bad, ok? So, this is just my attempt to talk about it without, you know, having to really talk about it."

"Clare, what happened wasn't your fault," Lauren dismissed, frowning at the brunette's sense of culpability. "You didn't know that Camz hadn't told me about her column."

"I know, but I still feel guilty for what happened anyway," Clare responded, looking unconvinced by Lauren's assertion.

She retrieved her cappuccino from the table and had a quick mouthful before continuing.

"I don't like the idea of you and Camila fighting at the best of times," she said, lowering her mug to sit in her lap. "So the thought that I'm part of the reason that you did, isn't something I'm particularly comfortable with."

"Camz and I didn't fight." Lauren shared with her friend as she sat forward in her chair and settled her coffee back on to the table.

Her voice was soft and gentle, truth laced in her tone, and Clare smiled at the sound of it; pleased.

"You didn't?" She asked before having another sip of her drink.

"No," Lauren said; resting her right elbow on the surface in front of her and tracing the rim of her half-empty coffee cup with her index finger as she spoke. "I mean, not really. We just finally opened up to each other about a few things that we'd been keeping to ourselves. That's all."