When Insecurity Knocks

Chapter 57

I drive through the night wiping my wet eyes. Taking deep breaths to keep myself calm. In... Out.... In.... Out. I tell myself and look through the mirror at my baby. How is this going to effect her? I don't know what to do now. This all happened so fast, my heart is still racing. I just can't believe that my husband has been cheating on me, I would have never seen this coming. He'd seemed so loving, trustworthy... Perfect. And then he went and broke my heart, on purpose this time!

I grip the steering wheel tighter as more tears rush down my face. I wipe them away and focus on the rode. But no matter how hard I try my mind shifts back to that lying bastard. He's been coming home with bright smiles and kisses, using them to cover the fact that he's been at another woman's house making love to her while I stay home and raise the baby that he asked me for. That selfish asshole! I ball up my fist and get ready to punch the steering wheel but then remember to breath. In... Out.... In.... Out.

I pull up to my old home and park. Rae's bedroom light is on which means he should be awake. I take out the key and climb out of the car. I head to the back and unstrap Alayna. I carry her in my arms, shut the door and lock the car. I walk up to the front door and ring the doorbell.

I wipe my eyes again then kiss my baby. The door opens and Rae, seeing my tears, pulls me into his arms. Here is the comfort I've been waiting for. I breakdown and cry as hard as I've been needing to feeling so much better now that I'm back in the familiar warmth of my brothers arms.

He blows up an air mattress for Alayna and I since Lionel has my old room. He gives me a blanket and pillow and tells me where the diapers are because I didn't bring anything for Alayna. Rae kneels in front of me as I curl up with my daughter, "we'll talk in the morning, just get some sleep for now" he says kissing my cheek. "Thank you Rae" I say. He smiles sadly then it brightens, "and uh... Celia's pregnant again". I put on a small smile, "congratulations Rae" I say. "Look at us, having babies" he jokes. I chuckle and look down at my daughter. "Alright goodnight baby sister" he says. "Goodnight".

I close my eyes and try to sleep but all I do is replay Eli and my argument. I don't remember us ever yelling at each other like that, it was so intense. I remember staring into his eyes and watching him start to cry, then how he begged me not to leave him. Why would he beg me if he's happy with whatever whore he's sleeping with. He's not making any sense to me.

Sleep eventually overwhelms me until it's disturbed by my baby crying and tugging on my shirt because she's hungry. I pull my breasts out and feed her then cover when she's done and snuggle her back to sleep.

…...........

"*gasp* Auntie Lissa when did you get here!?" I hear Lionel say then hear his mother shush him and tell him not to wake me or the baby. I squint over at them as they walk into the kitchen. I sit up and stretch then look down at Alayna to see if she's still asleep. I put the blanket on both sides of her so she doesn't roll off then climb out of bed.

"Good morning" I say quietly hugging Celia then bending over to hug Lionel. "Good morning, Rae told me what happened. I'm really sorry" she says. I shrug, "I should've known it was too good to be true" I reply and look down at her stomach. "What about you? Rae told me the good news. Congratulations, Lionel is going to be a big brother" I say. Celia smiles and rubs her stomach, "yeah, I'm hoping for a girl. I really want to buy little dresses and headbands" she says dreamily. I smile and turn to Lionel. "Hey are you excited about getting a little brother or sister" I ask. "Yeah, I'm gonna be five when it's born" he says. "Yeah your a big boy now" I say. "Yeah cause the brother or sister's gonna be a tiny baby" he says with a grin. "Yup and you need to be nice to it". "I am" he says and goes to sit at the table as his mother serves him cereal. "So how far in are you?" I ask. "Three weeks" she says. "Honestly I wasn't even thinking about having another baby but Rae wanted another one, and I have to say I miss having a tiny baby around" she says. "That's sweet, but Layna is still really young so I wasn't thinking of having any more babies anyway" I say and frown, "I don't think I can anyway". "Lace you need to sit Elias down and make him explain himself to you. It doesn't make sense that a man like him would do something like that to you" she says. "I tried yesterday but it turned into a big fight" I say. "What you do is find an exercise that calms you down and do it while you two talk. Like counting to ten" she says. I take this into account, "OK, ill try" I say.