When Insecurity Knocks

Chapter 36

I close the little book and smile as the baby sleeps quietly in his crib. I slide it back into the bookshelf and bend over to kiss the babies head whispering 'sweet dreams' in his ear. I sit back on the chair and lean on the crib, just watching the little ones back rise and fall.

The door creaks open and light footsteps make they're way over to me. I recieve a kiss on my head. "Thanks sweetie". I smile up at my brother and stand up. "It took three books for him to sleep" I whisper. "Celia and I really appreciate it. Do you want to stay for dinner" he says while turning on the baby monitor.

We walk out of the nursery and Rae quietly shuts the door. "No thank you im going to eat at home" I say even though I'm starving. "Are you sure, we have enough to last for a few days" Rae asks. I nod, "thanks though".

We go downstairs where Celia is setting the table. "Hey you got him to sleep?" She asks. "Yeah it took a while though" I say. "Thanks, he's been so sad these last few weeks you've been gone" she says. "Aw" I sigh and grab my jacket. "Your not staying?" Celia asks. "No sorry, it's been over five weeks and Eli and I are going to see if im pregnant" I explain with a smile. "Well good luck" she says. "Tell me what happens" Rae says and hugs me. "I will. I love you guys" I say and leave out. The door is shut behind me and I walk to Eli's car, which is now ours.

I strap in and drive out of the neighborhood. While on the rode my phone rings. I pick it up and hold it between my head and shoulders. "Hey baby are you almost home?" Eli asks. "Yeah I'm on my way now" I reply. "Ok well dinner is still cooking so by the time we return from the hospital it should be done" he says. "Alright".

Eli's 27th birthday just passed and he is becoming desperate for a baby. I am too but for a completely different reason. He says that he wants his first baby before he reaches his 30's, I just want one because I'm ready to experience motherhood and don't want to wait. And I feel like I am pregnant and I really do hope so. We've been trying for three weeks and I feel as though now I should be able to tell.

"I'll see you when I get home" I tell Eli. "Ok" he says and I hang up.

I really hope the doctor says that I'm pregnant, I really, really want to be. I want to see Eli's reaction when we find out I'm finally having his baby. I want to see my baby on the ultrasound just like the last time. I want to watch my stomach grow and make it to my third trimester. I want my crazy cravings back. What I had experienced really doesn't seem as bad as I thought it was. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I am ready for it.

I pull up to the house and Eli jogs up to the car. "Hey babe, switch with me" he says excitedly and I get out then walk around the front of the car into the passengers seat. Eli straps into the drivers seat and pulls out of the driveway. "Oh here we go" he sighs as we drive. I smile and hold his hand. "Do you think the doctor will say yes" he asks. I nod, "I do. I feel like I'm pregnant" I reply. "Good" he says and squeezes my hand.

We drive up to the O.B.G.Y.N Hospital and walk into the building. We stand at the front desk and Eli tells the man about our appointment and he has us sit in the waiting room. Eli looks around at all of the pregnant women, mother's, and couples in the same situation as us.

We're called back fifteen minutes later . I change into a hospital gown and Eli and I are greeted by the doctor.

"I am Doctor Lucas, and you two must be Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln" he says. "Yeah" Eli replies and I climb onto the chair. "What can I help you with?" He asks pulling on a pair of gloves. "We wanted to find out if I am pregnant" I say folding my hands in my lap. "OK" he replies and has me lie down.

Just like before I have to put my feet up on the widespread bars and he puts the long stick inside of me to perform the ultrasound. Eli and I look at the screen and watch the doctor point out the features of my stomach to show how he knows that there is in fact a baby! "There is the baby's heartbeat" he says and I smile at Eli but his eyes are fixed on the screen. "Congratulations" the doctor adds. "You are in fact pregnant".

Eli smiles brightly and kisses my hand. I giggle and bring his head down to kiss him. The doctor pulls the stick out, making the screen dark and disposes of the plastic around it along with his gloves. He washes his hands with soap and comes to sit back down. "You are about six weeks in" he says to me as I sit up. "I figured that much" I say moving to a comfortable position. "Oh you've been pregnant before?" He asks. I nod, "a couple of years ago... But I lost it". "Oh I'm sorry. How did that happen?". "Too much stress" I say and Eli rubs my back. "That is a powerful thing" the doctor says softly. "But I'm going to be happy this time" I assure. "Good".

"Come back and see me in two weeks, make sure you ask for Doctor Lucas." He says and writes something down on a paper. He hands it to Eli, "call me personally if you have any questions or problems". Eli shakes his hand, "thank you".

Eli helps me off of the chair. "I recommend you start researching what you should and shouldn't do during pregnancy, or read parenting books. It'll help you a lot". "Thank you Doctor Lucas" I say with a smile. "Your welcome" he replies and gestures to the bathroom. I quickly go in and change back into my clothes then take Eli's hand. We leave the room and while walking Eli hugs my back, laughing and kissing my cheek. I grin at him and push through the doors that lead to the waiting room.

"Have a good night" the man at the desk says. "You do the same" Eli replies and pushes the front door open for me. We head to the car and strap in. "Oh my God I can't believe it!" Eli says leaning on the steering wheel. I unbuckle my seat belt and reach over to hug him. "I can't believe it" he repeats. "Me either".

Eli pulls back and kisses me, "I have a surprise for you at home" he whispers. "You do?" I ask. "Yep" he replies and backs out of the parking spot. We drive back home and he takes me into the house.

Inside there are little red candles and flower petals on the floor, along with the mouth watering scent of roast slowly cooking in the oven. Eli grabs my hand. "I wanted to do this for you" he starts, showing me the table we eat on. It has a white table cloth, a long candle in the middle, plates with neatly folded napkins and carefully placed utensils. On the counter is a bottle of apple cider and two wine glasses.

I place my hand over my heart and sigh, "it's beautiful" I say. "That's not even the best part" he replies and takes me into the bathroom. There are candles in here as well along with petals on the floor. "Were going to bathe together" I blush. "Yup" he says then leads me into the bedroom. The only thing there is a single rose on our bed.

"I don't know if you noticed my little pattern when we first started going out. You know how I added one rose each time we celebrated an occasion together" he says. "I did" I reply. "Well over the years I haven't gotten a chance to buy you anything so I saved up the money for your roses and bought this one".

What could be so special about this one?

I lean over and pick it up. It's a hard cotton rose with little leaves and everything. I notice a slit across the middle and pop it open revealing a silver banded diamond ring. I gasp and drop the rose, shocked. I cover my mouth and let tears drip down my cheeks. Happy tears.

Eli chuckles and picks up the rose. He gets down on one knee and presents the rings to me in the rose. I cry out loud, embarrassed that im ruining this perfect moment. "Melissa Emerson" Eli starts. "Will you marry me?"