trauma

first night.

walking back to nowhere, the rain dropping on me over and over repeatedly. i'm left alone in my own pessimistic mind it's my fault.

________<3___________

it was a warm happy night.

that day was magical, i remember. we had came back from the movies and you had popped the question on the walk back to the park, our usual meet up place. that day was everything i had been reaching for and i had it in my hands finally.

we were so happy. so in love with one another.

weeks go by of us being happy. it felt as though nothing would come between us.

until,

"you're selfish!"

i remember you shouting the night we got home from your friend's party.

i know i'm selfish.
stand alone, my soul is jealous.

"what did i even do?"

"you were just standing there alone like a creep! it's a fucking party for god's sake! we were supposed to have fun but instead my friends complain about you being a weirdo!"

trade my joy for protection.

"babe, what was i supposed to do? none of your friends like me."

that night was the first time you told me you were embarassed to be with me.

that night was the first time i saw the real you.

that night was the night i learned of your true nature, yet still loved you despite knowing what kind of a person you are.