Her Promised Life

Chapter 30

I miss jayden :/ maybe I shouldn't have killed him

Billie's Pov

It's been 3 weeks since Jayden died. Sometimes when u wake up I swear I feel him next to me. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see him lifeless body laying there. But all I wanna do is sleep. I wanna be with him.

"Good morning Billie." Ariya pulled the blankets off me. "I'm not getting up." I said. I haven't left this spot in days. "You have to. Your gross and the funeral is today." She mumbled. "I'm not going." I said.

"Why? He would want you there." She said, It was true Jayden always said he wanted me at his funeral no matter what. He was always so dramatic but he never lied.

"I can't go." A rush of sadness came over me. "I realized that I'm never gonna hug him ever again and our twins died. I can't physically go." I sobbed.

"What would Jayden do right now?" Ariya asked. "Lay with me." Ariya gets in the bed and pulls me into her like Jayden. I cried because it felt like him.

"He would say. 'You trying to take my girl?' " My smile faded away. "Me too." She mumbled.

She threw a black dress at me. I sit up and look over to my left and see an unmade side. It was Jayden's side kinda. I always pulled Jay to my side of the bed. His pillow smells like cocoa butter and his signature smell of cologne. His voice sometimes still lingers around the house. It's the saddest thing to see his little dog waiting at the front door for him. He's never coming back.

I wanna be with him. I wanna see his smile again. I go through Instagram posts of people saying that they're here for me. But I don't want anybody else. I want my Jay. We were gonna get married today. It was much sooner than I thought. I have a lot to do today.

I grab his phone and look through his pictures. If I'm not crying, or screaming I'm looking at pictures of him. Maybe he's watching me right now, sad because I can't do anything. I told him that if he dies I'm dying. I will go to this funeral then go to our favorite place.

We used to have picnics on the roof of a tall building. People go up there all the time but It's usually empty when I go. I wanna have one last picnic with him and go. I get all dressed up and look in the mirror.

"I guess this is it, huh." I play with my hair. I hear the bathroom light make a buzzing sound. "What the... Jayden?" I whisper. "If you're here, flicker twice for yes and once for no." I smiled. "Are you here?" I whispered.

It flickered twice.

"Oh my god!" I jump. "Baby I miss you." Tears cloud my sight. "I'm coming to see you soon." I looked down. The light flickered once.

"Why not? I wanna see you I can't live without you." I whisper. "Are the girls with you?" I asked.

The flickered twice. "Billie, why are you talking to yourself?" His mom opened the door.

"I'm not Jayden's here!" I point to the light. "Oh baby it's okay I know you haven't gotten enough sleep." She frowned.

"I'm not lying." I mumbled. "I know I see him all the time." She said, Tears streamed down my face. Jayden was there I know. Whatever, I am coming soon.

When we get to the funeral a tall man comes out of nowhere. "Are you Billie eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell?" He asked. "Yeah." I play with my engagement ring.

"You're in the will." He said. "He wrote a will?" I asked.

"Yeah a few years ago actually. He didn't think he would ever have the chance to marry you." He frowned. "He was right." My tears make it very hard for me to see.

"I'm so sorry." He hugged me. Finneas and Claudia come over to me.

"I'm so sorry. We give our condolences." Finneas hugged me. "Yeah if you need anything, we're here." She smiled.

"Thanks." "Are you okay?" He asked. Asking that is like a trigger because they know I'm not okay.

"No." I hate crying in front of people but I can't help it. They hug me while I cry into them. It was a nice hug. But my baby is still gone. I want him to hug me instead. Jayden was my everything. And soon he will be again. I miss him so much it hurts. I want his hugs right now.

"Okay let's get started." His mom said. "Jayden was loved by many people. His amazing Fiancé loved him so much, sometimes he thought she loved him more than he loved himself... His family loved him to bits and pieces, he loved Billie so much it hurted." His mom stopped talking to hold her tears.

I look around and see a bunch of Jayden's ex's. They were all sobbing. Dumb bitches. "Jayden and Billie were crazy for each other from the start..." She sobbed. I can't watch this. His dead body is in that casket. Thinking about it is just crazy, the love of my life is dead and his dead body is 5 feet in front of me. I'm leaving sooner than I thought. It makes me panic knowing I'll never see him again.

I set up the picnic area already, I'm ready to go. "I'm coming to see you." I said. I put out his favorite food and mine. I even lit a candle like he always does. I turn around for a second to look at this beautiful view. I turned back around and his sandwich had a bite mark on it. "What the?" I mumbled. I pick it up and inspect it. A whole bite was taken out of it.

"Jay if you're there... I miss you." I said. "I love you and I'm coming now. I just wanna eat first." I said.

A strong gust of wind almost knocked me off the edge but it did blow out the candle. And for a second Jayden's silhouette appeared. I swear it did. I start crying and crawl to the edge of the building contemplating if I should do it. Is it worth it? Wouldn't he want me to live my life to the fullest?

I look straight down and see a long line of cars. I sit back at my spot on the blanket and start to eat my food slowly. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The sunset is beautiful. It kind of reminds me of the day I first met Jay. I guess he'll always have a place in my heart. What am I gonna do without him?

"Are you okay?" I heard echo in my head. "What?" I asked out loud.

"Baby don't do it. I'm here with you, don't leave your family." I heard the voice I heard them talk but couldn't understand who it was. "Who is this?" I asked in my head.

"You know who I am." It snapped back. I go up to the edge of the building and dangle my legs over.

I scoot up closer to the edge. "Billie?" A familiar voice called out.

I panic and jump off.

"BILLIE!"

It didn't hurt but It did scare me. I couldn't see who called my name but I saw them try and reach for me. They tried...

*dies cutely*

The end