cold winter's night

The sludge

last night the old lady named recovery girl left right after a quick kiss to my forehead. i expected it to be worse but i was just tired afterwards. we all went to bed shortly after she left, it was hard to fall asleep knowing that i was in a strangers home unknowing if they had true intentions or if they were going to send me home the first chance they get.

it was now 7 am and shouta and yamada were still sleeping from the long night before. he could easily slip out the front door and be rid of these heroes. i've been taking care of myself since before i had the guts to run away. i can't go soft cause i've showered and ate real food, they know i'm quirkless it's only a matter of time before they deem me useless. 

i gathered my now clean clothes out of the dryer and slipped my shoes on before taking off out the front door. they probably be glad that i left on my own, so they wouldn't have to feel the guilt of kicking me out. 

i made it to the train station and was able to sneak my way on without paying the fees. once the train stopped i made my way out back to the street's. an explosion boomed from a few blocks down, there was a familiar pattern to the way the explosions were let off.

it was kacchan. 

it was the  boy whom izuku has known since he was 4 years old, the boy that grew up with him, who protected him, who turned his back on him, who bullied him to the point where izuku wanted to take his advice and off himself. 

it was him, the only person who ever showed him kindness in his short life. he was the person who was able to exploit izuku's weaknesses and use them against him. 

before he even realized he was taking off running towards the growing explosions. when he reached the block he saw that there were many hero's on sight that weren't doing anything to help the dying boy in front of their eyes.  

"it's been over five minutes is anyone going to help that poor kid?"

"why are the heroes just standing there!?"

"go on somebody save him!"

"he's just a child!!"

it was hard to drown out the voices yelling all around me. i wanted to just walk away, kacchan's karma was finally catching up with him. but i couldn't bring myself to take any steps that weren't towards the screaming boy. i was running and dodging explosions, ignoring the pro heroes yelling at me. this was the first time i've wanted to be a hero since i was a kid. 

eyes, a mouth, two weak spots.

he threw the grocery sack of clothes at the sludge villain as a distraction as he rolled and grabbed a rock throwing it as hards as he could aiming for one of the eyes. it hit exactly where i wanted it too, i didn't slow down for a second. i was only picking up speed as i reached for kacchan. 

i grabbed the front of his back t-shirt and pulled him as hard as i could. we fell to the ground and i pulled him away from the still screaming monster. i shielded kacchans body with my own as the sludge villain threw rocks and debris at us. i took multiple hits before it suddenly stopped. 

opening my eyes i saw all might standing above us, and kacchan must've woken up because i was being pushed off of him, insult after insult being spit at me with his oh so familiar voice. his mouth snapped shut as he watched all might take down the villain down with one hit. we both stood up staring in awe of our favorite hero. the only hero who has ever caught my eye, he was the real deal, he definitely isn't like the others who stood by and watched as kacchan was being murdered before there eyes. 

"thank you all might sir!" i squealed out before taking off running away from all the flashing cameras. 

"hey deku wait! don't take one more step you damn nerd or i'll kill you!" i froze at kacchan's harsh words, we were already a few blocks away from where the papartzi and news vans were, no doubt we were already on tv. 

"h-hey kacchan..? what's-what's up? uhm.. what can i do for you..?" he looked me up and down staring at my obviously too big clothes and my thin frame. even i could tell you i looked horrible, plus the new injuries from saving him, i probably looked two steps away from the grave. 

 "i didn't need you to save me. i was doing just fine on my own, you shouldn't have risked your life for mine." there were ears in kacchan's eyes as he spoke, i have never once seen this boy break down. he was always so strong, i couldn't bear to see him like this. it made me want to take pity on him, even after everything he's done and said. 

i turned my back to him and took a few steps forward, i refused to let him be the victim in my eyes after all these years of abuse and torment. it wasn't fair that i was the one who always had to forgive. why couldn't i ever just be angry without the need to feel bad. anger is a normal human emotion, so why does t hurt so bad to feel. 

"i went by your house a few times to see how you were doing after school ended. auntie inko said that you haven't been home in two years. where have you been staying all this time huh? who have you been staying with this whole time? i know your grandparents don't live in the same country as us so.. foster care?" he sounded so sad.. so lonely.. so heartbroken? 

"you don't get to ask me that.." i turned around so we were facing each other. it's been so long since i've stared into the red eyes that belong to katsuki bakugou.  

i could feel my hands shaking, kacchan could probably smell the fear and anger that was coming off of me.

"you know how many orphanages and foster homes that even want quirkless children there are? not very many, and you know how you get treated in those places? like garbage. like shit that you accidently stepped in while walking home. nothing is fair for us, nothing is safe, nothing is obtainable. i've come to terms with the fact that i'll never be wanted. i know im useless and stupid and quirkless, after all that's why you gave me the nickname deku isn't it katsuki?"

i was so upset that i could barely breathe.. i new that this was a panic attack but i had to finish i needed to finally speak my mind. 

"i wanted you.. i wanted you so bad it hurt, so instead of allowing myself to hurt i hurt you.. and i'm so sorry izuku.. please.. please believe me..  you don't have to ever forgive me for the things i've done but please know i never truly hated you.. i'm so sorry.." his voice sounded so broken it scared me.

he was on his knees sobs rocking through his body, i continued to to step back my mind was racing, he couldn't be telling the truth. he had to be lying, no way it could be true. i didn't go through all that pain just for him to apologize and tell me he liked me. i ended up on my ass facing him just as many tears falling down my cheeks as his. 

this wasn't fair.