cold winter's night

the guardian

yamada was being so nice, and his smile was so bright it made him feel like the world was lifted off his shoulders. if i could stay with him for the rest of the day it would've been 100x better than 6 lifetimes alone. 

he made sure that i got everything i needed and wanted, never pushing anything on me that i didn't want. i got to choose my clothes and shoes, i even got to pick out some new notebooks and pencils so i can start my hero analisis again. he let me get new pillows and blankets, some posters, he even let me pick out my own shampoo  for my curly hair since him and shouta have long straight hair.

i had already picked out 10 pairs of pants and 10 shirts, 4 packs of underwear, and 3 packs of socks. i snuck a pack of hero socks into the basket before we kept walking down the aisle. shouta was supposed to meet us here soon so we just wandered around looking at things in a comfortable silence. 

"hey! did you guys get everything you need?" shouta came up behind us placing a hand on each of our shoulders, i tried so hard not to flinch away. he must've noticed my uneasiness and removed his hand, smiling at him came easy as breathing to me. 

"i think so.. this is more stuff than i've ever even owned.. so.. yeah i guess definitely." i've always found that rubbing my neck always gave me a reassuring feeling that made me want to continue what i'm doing without freaking out. i should probably make a point to stop before they catch on, so they never know when i'm nervous. 

"then do you want to go get something to eat?"

me and yamada nodded happily as we made our way to the checkout area. when the lady was done scanning all of the items the total was 32,000 yen. it was too much. i needed to put some things back. i tried to start grabbing things to put away but yamada stopped me with a kind smile and a gentle hand on my wrist. 

"its okay izuku i have more than enough to pay for all of your things. this is what parent- uhm foster parents, sorry i don't want to label myself as anything you might be uncomfortable with.. this is what guardians do for their children, and since we've adopted you your our child. does that make sense?"  

i nodded looking at the floor, he wants me to consider them my parents.. they want to care for me.. they want to.. oh wow.. what is this feeling? my heart hurts.. i reached over and silently slipped my hand in shouta's, he gave it a reassuring squeeze allowing me to cry silently. this was a good cry, the type of cry that relieves you of the pain that dwells in your chest. it felt so good to let go of everything and just allow myself to be cared for. 

we made our way out to yamada's car and loaded in all of my things, i slipped into the front seat and stared at my hands while they kissed goodbye before shouta made his way to his own car. knowing that they kiss made me think of kacchan and everything he said.. could i have felt the same way and that's why i put up with all of his crap? or am i just trying to convince myself that i did so i can allow myself to want to be romantically involved with someone.. even if that someone was kacchan.. 

"do you and shouta ever fight?" my voice was quiet but he heard me.. i turned down the music before answering.

"yes, all the time.. but we never go to bed angry we always find a way to forgive each other before we go to bed. but it never, and i mean never gets physical between us. we have never laid a hand on the other unless we were training, since we're both pro heroes. and if were upset with you, just know i will never as long as i live lay a hand on you, and neither will shouta. understand?" 

i nodded, understanding was easy. believing was the hard part.

"how did you know that you were um.. in love with a um.. a boy..? if that's not rude to ask! i just wanted to know so i can figure it out myself not to intrude in your thoughts or something! god i'm sorry! forget i said anything.."  yamada waited for my word vomit to be over before he chucked. 

"i tried to be with girls but it was never the same as when i'm with shouta. love should be easy, i'm not saying you won't have to work for love cause you will but if you find someone you want to be with it should be easy..  if you think you like boys that's great, girls too, maybe even both. just know i'm always here for you. is there someone you had in mind?"  

i could feel my face turn red, my heart was pumping a million miles a minute. i couldn't lie, after he just opened up to me. i had to tell him. 

"i guess so.. an old friend of mine confessed a few days ago and i didn't know what to tell him because im so confused.."

"oh  well why are you confused? maybe i can help shed some light on your situation." he really was one of the kindest people i've ever met.

"uhm.. he was one of the ones who bullied me.. he told me that he hurt me because he was hurting inside and he didn't understand his feelings i guess.. i'm not trying to make excuses for him but i don't know if i even like guys like that.. and he's been hurting me my whole life.. it's just all so confusing." i stretched out in the seat and covered my eyes i didn't want to know what he was going to say but i waited for his response anyways. 

"honey i know you guys are young and it's hard to come to terms with how you feel, but if you truly care for someone you protect them.. you don't hurt them.. also never feel pressured to like someone back when it's not what you want okay? you don't have to open your heart to him just because he opened his heart to you.." when we stopped at a red light he took a second to study my face. we held eye contact for a moment before we started driving again.

"i always offered friendship to him even after he hurt me or said the most horrible things. i've known him my whole life.. and he looked so hurt and scared.. i yelled at him, god i probably just hurt him worse.." i stared out the window, we were driving past familiar alley ways that made me want to vomit knowing what went down in there.

when we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i recognized a car parked out front, it was the bakugou's. they have owned that car since they had katsuki. this was going to be horrible.. if i just keep my head down and try not to talk loud then maybe they won't notice me.