Race Me, Cupid [COMPLETE]

14

          Jeremiah was sitting on a blanket on their spot from days before, admiring the mild yellow sun as it came down closer to the horizon in a pink and orange hue. There was a cooler next to him with two mangonadas in it.

           Since their kiss he spent hours thinking about what to tell Angel. How to start, where to begin, how to finish. What they'll be by the end of it. Nothing seemed right, and the right things felt scripted. He wanted Angel to feel what he felt. If there was a way to just hold his hand, look him in the eyes and have all the right emotions shown to Angel, he'd do it. Because nothing he was writing in his head felt good enough to explain how intense he felt about everything.

          He would just have be honest and hope for the best.

          Angel, self-conscious over what this was, had not exactly dressed up, but wore something other than his athletic clothes. He wasn't claiming this as a date, but it was cooler at sunset and it was nice to be in pants.

          Jeremiah moved over to let him sit next to him and properly admire the view. He handed him his mango treat. And for a moment they took the silence  between them as a sign of peace. No one was at the park at this hour. Savoring it before they dove into why they were both here.

          Angel expected this conversation to tread lightly, for the apology to come out, a soft explanation, and some closure but Jeremiah spoke bluntly, "I've liked you since high school. Maybe even in love because it's been so long"

          Angel stayed quiet, shocked, while Jeremiah poured his heart out.

           "I knew something was off about me since I was younger. I been knew way before I actually accepted it that I cared about you and I was attached to you, but I was convinced we were like brothers" He looked down at his hands and shook his head, "It was stupid denial. I like girls. I do, so my brain used that as an excuse that I couldn't like guys. As if bisexuality just didn't exist. But I liked you and I clung to you like a puppy. This is gonna sound horrible, but part of me was glad you never went out with no one. And if I brought it up and you'd start, it would've hurt. I was trying to keep you close enough by my side that friendship could sustain what i really wanted. I kept my questions to myself hoping you'd somehow read my mind and like me too. Which...you know didn't happen. Was I obvious?"

          "I never suspected anything" Angel assured. But that's because I liked you too much to tell, is what he wanted to add.

          "I should've been more open. You wouldn't have been so alone. We wouldn't have felt so alone. It sucks feelin' like the odd one out, like you can't talk about certain things to nobody 'cause they won't understand. And you understood me so well. Even without knowing that part of me. We were perfect. As friends and on the track, like fuckin' Thelma and Louise. I couldn't ruin that. It's hard for me to say I'm bisexual, I'm still fixin' up my confidence but I'm confident about how I feel about you"

          Jeremiah's mangonada was melting in his cup the more he fidgeted with the spoon. He stuck it in the small red and white cooler. He was being vulnerable and Angel could tell he'd been telling the truth. He'd know if he were lying.

          "I like you Angel. I like how humble you are even though you're a beast on your feet. I like how smart you are and how much you try. You spend more time in the library studyin' then anyone else I know. I like how you challenge me and every time I think maybe I have the advantage, you hand me my own ass. You pay attention. You defend yourself. And even when you're anxious you still do your best" Jeremiah rambled becoming increasingly nervous, "So I wrote you the love letters as a coward. Sorry if you found them cringey and dated. I'm not even that great at writing like that"