FellPoth Short Stories and One-Shots

Right the Wrongs: Chapter 2

Chapter Warnings: Depression, self-depreciation, swearing

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Two hours into his 'nap', Lotus was still lying awake feeling worse than ever. The voices in his head had managed to crescendo into a taunting roar; each word was like sticky tar, slowly immobilizing and suffocating him as he tossed and turned.

Useless! Pathetic! Worthless! Hindrance! Forgettable!

"What the hell?!" Lotus hissed to himself, his fingers grating against the sides of his skull, "Why do I feel like this?! Everything's fine; things are better now! Rurik wants me here; there's no reason for any of this bullshit! Why won't this go away?!"

He rolled over for the umpteenth time, his legs becoming tangling further in the bedsheets as he wracked his skull for a resolution. Groaning to himself as tears of frustration welled up in his sockets, Lotus thought of how easy it would be to scream and cry his metaphorical lungs out; maybe drown out the dissenting voices... but he refrained. The last thing he wanted was to get Rurik involved; doing so would put needless pressure on the relationship they had managed to rekindle.

He couldn't rely on his partner for everything; he had to figure this out himself.

No sooner had the thought of his boyfriend popped into his mind, the sound of footsteps on the stairs had Lotus scrambling for the bedsheets. Squeezing his sockets shut, he laid still as the door creaked open. "... Lotus?" Rurik's voice was barely above a whisper as soft footfalls made their way across the carpet; the sound stopped short of the bed and he felt a hand press against his forehead. He wanted so badly to open his sockets and divulge his misery, but he kept silent and pretended to sleep instead.

The hand left his skull and the footsteps moved away, followed by the sound of clothes ruffling near the closet. Lotus listened as the shuffling steps returned and the mattress dipped behind him; a pair of arms pulled him in close and he heard a heavy sigh. For a moment, all was quiet... until Rurik mumbled, "Lotus, I know you're awake... what did I do this time? Why're you trying to avoid talking to me?"

Lotus gave up the charade, opening his leaking sockets and hugging the arms wrapped around him, "... You didn't do anything, I... how did you know I was awake?"

"You felt too stiff to be asleep and you still have tear tracks on your face," Rurik huffed, "You've been in here crying about something and I want to know what. Did someone give you a hard time today?"

The smaller hastily scrubbed the evidence from his face, "I'm fine... my elbow felt sore, that's all. I hit it on the counter earlier, remember?"

"It didn't seem to be bothering you earlier...," his companion growled, tugging on the appendage and pushing up the sleeve to inspect it, "and it doesn't even look bruised. I've never seen you cry over anything less than a broken bone or a welt if you weren't scared or upset, so how about you tell me the truth?"

"There's nothing to tell!" the scarved skeleton snapped, yanking his arm out of the other's grip; technically, he was telling the truth.

"Stars dammit, would you just tell me why you were crying?" Rurik insisted, sitting up as his tone took on a hint of irritation, "You're not usually like this and I want to help, so talk to me!"

"I don't know, okay!?" Lotus exploded, curling into himself while clutching his arms. His intake of air morphed into a sob as the words tumbled out against his will, "It's been a normal day! Nothing happened, good or bad... I just feel like shit for some reason, and I don't know why! I hate it! I hate this feeling; it won't stop, and I don't know how to make it stop! I don't want to be like this! Why can't I just be happy for once; what the hell is wrong with me?!"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Rurik immediately countered, pulling the smaller up into his lap.

"There is, there has to be!" Lotus screeched in denial, gripping at his boyfriend's shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him there, "The voices are right! I am useless, I am pathetic, I am a hindrance! Why else would it hurt so much!?"

Rurik shifted under him, his voice gaining an edge to it, "Voices? What kind of voices?"

Lotus knew he had already said too much, but he couldn't stop as he pressed his forehead into his companion's shoulder, "I don't know, just voices; I've been hearing them all day, but they've gotten so loud now! I just want them to stop!"

He felt a hand roving up and down his spine as Rurik rumbled, "Well, I don't know who the hell these voices think they are, but they don't know shit about you! You're my boyfriend and I don't think you're any of those things, so don't pay attention to whatever those damn voices say. The only voices that should matter are yours and mine, everyone and everything else can go to hell!"

What should have pacified him only made the voices rage in vehement abnegation. They protested that he didn't deserve Rurik's words or comfort; that he was once again relying on others to fix his problems, but he knew saying as much would only lead to more arguing. Lotus's skull and soul hurt so much, so he did the only thing he felt was within his power: he clung to the front of his partner's t-shirt, screaming his anguish and frustration into the cotton fabric while taking solace in the strong embrace that wasn't pushing him away.

Other than the occasional shift against the headboard into a more comfortable position, Rurik remained where he was running his fingers along the smaller skeleton's bones in soothing circles and holding him close. After what felt like hours, Lotus's wails devolved into sobs, which turned into miserable whimpers, and eventually faded to exhausted sniffles as his tears finally found an end.

"Got that out of your system?" Rurik questioned as Lotus shifted his skull against their chest.

"Mnnnn...," Lotus groaned, his sockets drooping from fatigue. The voices were still droning on, but he felt so worn down that it was easy to let exhaustion take over, allowing him to finally rest.

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Word Count: 1,063