Bullet in the Heart - Professor Lupin

I think you saved my life

I was running across the castle, tears wetting the floor beneath me. My feet hurt and I couldn't feel anything else apart from a pain in my heart. Everything was starting again. I was running towards the astronomy tower, I knew that's the place I could be alone. I ran up the long staircase, it was slippy and cold but that was the last thing on my mind. I reached the top exhausted, I dropped to the floor screaming in tears, I could hardly breathe. 

"Hello?" I heard a familiar voice. I looked over to the wall, I hadn't even noticed, the Professor was slumped against the wall. He looked just exhausted as me and also had a damp face from tears. I couldn't get rid of him, not even in my darkest moments. His eyes were filled with pain, something that stemmed from deep down. We looked at each other for a moment, both in utter pain but just watched as the other suffered. After a few minutes the Professor shakily stood up and came over to me, he dropped next to me and held me. His arms wrapped around my cold body shivering in the wind. His hand stroked my hair slowly as I cried into his arms. I felt safe for the first time in my whole life. 

"I can't do this anymore, I just can't" I stuttered through tears and snot. He stayed quiet but continued to hold me through the suffering. His head rested on mine so that I couldn't see his face. I could tell he was trying to hide his sadness to help me with mine. I laid there for an hour or so, I looked up to the stars and watched the night sky fill with clouds. 

After a while I had stopped crying and had calmed down to an extent, "Thank you", I whispered as I turned to face him. 

"Thank you", he replied gratefully. His eyes wandered to my neck, then to my arms, then to my legs, his face anxiously tensed, "What is this?" I hadn't realised what Flint had done to me, I looked down at my purple legs and bloody arms. I shrugged in reply not wanting to explain the situation. 

"Who?", I pursed my lips together and looked up at him feeling guilty. He awaited an answer.

"Flint", I mumbled under my breath, his eyes widened, "this has happened before, you see my reputation was ruined about two years ago and since then boys assume it's ok", I looked down trying to hold back the tear I could feel was gathering. 

"Miss Blueth-" I interrupted, "Iris, just Iris".

"Ok, Iris, you shouldn't take all this shit. All these boys, they think they can hurt you because they think you are weak but you're not Iris, you're so strong, I know you are." I don't think he really knew what to say to me.

"It's not that easy when your an alcoholic and and like to take unknown drugs", I mumbled embarrassed, that wasn't something I wanted to share with him. 

"I understand Miss- Iris", he didn't seem surprised or judgemental.

"Do you? Do you understand what it's like to have never been loved, to be taken of advantage of by every single boy who I speak to, do you understand what it's like to want to end it all every single day? Do you understand how fucking exhausting this all is? Do you?" I shouted back at him. There was a short moment of silence. 

"To be honest with you, I do understand a lot of that. Iris I just want to help you. You must remember that you barely know anything about me. How does that saying go again, never judge.." he seemed defeated. 

"a book by it's cover. I am sorry your right" I looked up at his face, his eye bags were deep and he had even more scars than before stretched cross his face, I felt horrible. He was right, I hardly knew anything about him, "Ok so, you like defending the dark arts, you enjoy annoying your pupils (especially the mentally ill ones), you hardly sleep - I'm guessing, you read muggle novels and don't smoke unless given the opportunity to roll me a cigarette. So smart one, tell me more, I'm intrigued.."

"I like tea and toast, I dislike men with greasy black hair" I laughed but all though it made me cheer up a little I was interested in the deep stuff. 

"No, not this boring bullshit! Tell me Professor, have you ever been in love?" his smile faded slowly in silence. 

"I loved someone once, I didn't know I did, and I didn't do anything about it. I think that is one of my biggest regrets to this day. I didn't say anything and I never got to..." he trailed off into his own thoughts.

"Where are they now? Dead?" I asked carefully realising I had been a little insensitive. 

"Something like that", his voice had stiffened, I had triggered something inside him. 

"Tell me a secret", I insisted. There was another long pause as the Professor leaned his head against the wall to think.

"I'm not really who you think I am" he stated bluntly, I was intrigued. 

"Who's that then?" he stayed silent, "Go on", I waited patiently. 

"You always leave me so intrigued after our encounters, I think it's my turn today" he winked before turning his head away. 

"I think you saved my life today" I whispered breaking the silence, I wasn't sure if it was wise to say but I had to.

"I think you may have saved mine to", he turned his head back to me, we held eye contact, smiling at each other gratefully. His hand reached over to my cuts and rubbed a solution on them with care. It felt good, the pain slowly dissolved. His hand moved to my leg and rubbed the substance over all the bruises, I let out a deep sigh as the pain relieved. Finally his fingers reached for my neck, his other hand held my head in place. His hand cupped my face. I bit my lip to stop from crying out in pain, he laughed. The Professor rubbed the excess cream on his scared hand. I lent over to him, laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. The owls sung their lullabies sweetly in the distance as I slowly fell asleep. 

§§ 

I opened my eyes to a bright light shining down on me, the sun was above me warming my face. My head was lying on the Professors lap, I was covered by his overcoat. His eyes were still closed, I lifted my heavy body up, every bone in my body was in agony and my head was pulsing. I looked at the Professor's watch - SHIT! It was six in the morning, I had to get back to the dorms before someone noticed. I pulled out a bit of chalk from the Professors coat and drew a note on the floor:

I'm starting to not hate you smart one. Thank you 

As I headed down the steps, I heard a voice call after me, "Me too!", I smiled to myself before hurrying off.