mixtape (reddie)

December 12th, 1988

R.T.

We went on our first date tonight. I'm finding it hard to write the words when I am still soaring on such a euphoric high, but we went on our first date tonight.  You spent $23 on me. We danced.

I want to talk about us dancing, if that's alright. I'm not sure if you'll read this, or if I'll ever give it to you. I want to remember how it felt when we danced, but I want you to remember as well. Ill get to that in a moment.

For now, I want to back up a bit further and recall the conversation I had with Stanley on the phone. I called you and asked you to come over, and as I impatiently paced in the hallway, waiting for my mother to finally stagger to bed, I grew anxious with paranoid thoughts.

I wanted to kiss you tonight. That was why I called you over. I wanted to try kissing you goodnight, like real couples do. But then, I got so unbelievably scared. What if you don't like kissing me as much as you liked kissing Stan? If anybody is going to know what to do when it comes to kissing Tozier, it's gonna be Stanley. He has firsthand experience. So I called the Urises, asked for Stan, and I asked him what it was like. I wanted to know what you guys did. I felt like you two were on top of a huge oak tree, and I was stuck at the bottom, clawing at the bark encasing the trunk.

The conversation kind of went like this:

Me: Hey, Stan.

Stanley: Eddie, why are you calling so late? I was getting ready for bed.

Me: yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask something kind of personal if that's okay?

Stanley: Of course. Go ahead.

Me: What all did you do with Richie? I'm not mad, it's okay, I'm just... curious, you know?

Stan: ...I'm not sure Richie would be comfortable with me telling you. I'm sure you can respect that.

Me: Oh, yeah, of course. Totally. I was just, um, god. Don't make fun of me for what I'm about to say.

Stan: Hey! Did you forget who you're talking to? I'm the level headed one of the group! I'm offended, Kaspbrak.

Me: okay, okay! Sorry. What I was going to say is that I was just thinking about, um-

I whispered this next part so that my mom couldn't hear it.

-giving Richie my first kiss tonight. I think the time is, like, right now.

Stan: Oh.

Me: Is that a bad idea? Should I not?

Stan: What? No, no, of course you should! Do you know how much that absolute ADHD headcase rants about you? It's all Eddie this and Eddie that.

Me, smiling: Really?

Stan: Really.

Me: Oh, groovy.

Stan: Richie's good at kissing, I guess. He's a bit needy. Like, once you start, he doesn't wanna stop. Does that help?

Me: Wait. What's that mean?

Stan: God, the amount of times he went in for second or third kisses was... I can't even count.

Me: ...How many times did you guys do it?

Stan: Its not like I remember off the top of my head.

Me: Try.

I was getting kind of mad at this point. I think Stanley noticed, because his next response was quick and short.

Stan: I don't know, Eddie. Why don't you try asking him? Listen, I've got to go. My parents will kill me if I'm not in bed soon. I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?