Built for Ruin | Dazai Osamu

四

"I want to spend my time with people who don't look to be respected. But such good people won't want to spend their time with me."

― Osamu Dazai

Summer. One of the worst seasons in my opinion. It's too hot for my liking. The sweat causes my clothes to stick on my skin and also leaves stains. Gross. I stood looking outside the window, sipping my sencha* and singing a song I made about double suicide. Oh~ sweet double suicide. It's a shame I still haven't found a beautiful woman to end my days with. It really is a shame. My last double suicide attempts ended in me being alive and the women tragically dying. The police thought it was me who committed murder, though I don't blame them. To not die once, but TWICE while your partner does really sounds suspicious.

I got lost in thought when I heard a loud bang from the kitchen. Knowing I don't leave alone anymore, I ran to see what had happened. Seems like the ginger is so short he has to climb on the dining table to reach the top drawers. How cute. I rushed to see if he was alright, seeing he still hadn't got up from where he fell.

"Chuuya...?" I asked hesitantly, looking behind the table. He was laying face-down on the hard floor, not moving an inch. I poked him once, but when seeing he hadn't moved, I poked him some more. After some time, I heard a low groan coming from the shorter.

"Ugh... the hell?" He said as he tried getting up. Once he did, I saw a trail of blood coming from his forehead. I panicked and ran to get some bandages from the bathroom. When I returned, he was still sitting on the floor, this time resting his head on his hand.

I rushed to him and started cleaning his wound. It looked pretty bad, but luckily it was just a scratch. A big one but it's still better than brain damage. After bandaging his head, I cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes. They looked pained. I wish I could just make all of his pain vanish. Wait- THAT'S IT! Maybe he'll commit double suicide with me!- Wait no, no way he'd agree with that. And even if he did, there's a chance he'd die without me, and that would be unforgivable.

"Shitty Dazai... What the fuck happened..?" he asked. 'His head probably hurts a lot.' I picked him up bridal style, earning a cute yelp from Chuuya. I was satisfied with that and went to lie him on a tatami.

"Oh, chibi~ do I really need to help you out with everything??" I asked in a teasing tone that didn't satisfy the ginger in the least. "Ugh- I didn't ask you to let me live here, okay?! It was your fucking decision and now you'll have to deal with it." He said with a frown. It's true that I asked him to stay, and I honestly enjoy his company a lot. I'm grateful to have thought of asking him to live with me. I'm a genius!

"Whatever you say chibi. Now tell me, what were you doing in the kitchen so important earlier that I had to interrupt my relaxing evening?" I asked. He looked at me with a frown as a light blush made its way onto his cheeks. It was one of the most beautiful sights. It was better than any fancy painting I've ever laid eyes on. Chuuya was a work of art, one made by the gods and sent down to earth to be my guide to a better life!

He turned his sight away from me and slightly mumbled "I wanted to learn how to cook..." I looked at him surprised and took the chance to tease him once again. "Oh, my, Chuuya~ are you perhaps trying to become my housewife?" I asked with a wide grin. The ginger furrowed his eyebrows and sent a blow to my cheek, making me hit the ground. He was a blushing mess by that point.

"Ow~ chibi is so mean!" I said, holding my cheek with one hand. He got up and started walking out. "Where are you going?" I asked sternly. He didn't turn his gaze from the door as he answered. "I'm going out, I need clothes that don't belong to... you." He said with a disgusted voice. I chuckled. "With what money?" I asked smirking. He seemed to tense up and he slowly turned his face to me. "C-can you c-come with m-me-?" He asked, stuttering from his anger. I smiled and grabbed his wrist. "Of course, if you insist!~"

We started walking around town, hand in hand, looking around searching for a good shop where to buy the shorter some cheap clothes. People started staring at us, probably thinking that Chuuya is my kid or something thanks to his height. Fu fu fu~ I'll make sure to tease him about it later!

We finally arrived at a good store and I let him pick out what he liked. He looked so adorable, his eyes sparkled at every item he could see. He picked out a few kimonos and a yukata, making sure that they weren't too pricey. After paying, I noticed him staring intensely at a pretty ugly hat in the store. "You want that?" I asked, scrunching my nose. He turned around with glittering eyes and a wide smile. "Yes!" He said in one of the cutest voices I've ever heard.

I bought it for him, unfortunately. He was too cute. He beat me. I gave him the hat and he put it on immediately. It didn't look bad on him, but I wouldn't tell him that.

"Wow! Guess I'll call you 'hatrack' from now on!" I said grinning. He turned around and shot me a glare. I laughed, seeing as he couldn't hurt me in public, and we started heading home.

When we arrived, it was already past 10 PM, so I went into my room and started my nightly ritual. I sat down at my chabudai and got some washi out, putting it on the wood surface. I stared at the empty paper for a few minutes, before taking my quill and getting ready to write. Surprisingly, the words I wrote weren't full of sorrow or envy. They were instead full of an emotion I couldn't describe. I started writing about two lost souls searching the world together for something, only to find out that that something was always within them. I smiled and continued the story. No thoughts of suicide came into mind that night.

When I finished the story, it was around 6 am. It's a good thing I don't usually feel tired. I walked into the kitchen just to find it.... clean?! The mountains of dirty dishes and empty noodle packs were gone. I just realized I had a window in the kitchen. It must've been covered for a long time for me to forget its existence. I looked as the morning sun rose from the ground, coloring the sky in tints of red and orange. It was so colorful, I'd never seen something like this before. After staring at the sunset for some time, I heard the shoji of my veranda open slowly. Chuuya entered the kitchen and got startled when he saw me. "I thought you were asleep?" he asked in a confused tone. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "But I didn't sleep." He tilted his head but then shrugged it off.

"Oi mackerel, I finally finished cleaning the kitchen. How's it?" He asked tiredly. "Great! But when did you do this?" He looked at me then started counting his fingers. "I think... I think I started at around... 2 am? Yeah, 2 am." My eyes widened. 'Did he stay up all night cleaning the kitchen for me?? Nobody's ever stayed up all night for me before!' I could feel tears start to roll down my face from the happiness that the ginger gave me. I hugged him tightly as he started trying to get away. Of course, I held him still and he stopped struggling. We stood like that for a while, before I whispered in his ear. "Thank you." My voice was a bit broken from the sobs, but once the ginger heard me, he immediately hugged me back. "I-it's no problem..." he said as I could see a faint blush on his ears. He really is my small treasure.

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Sencha - Sencha, or loose leaf green tea, is the most popular kind of tea in Japan.