Obviously Me

Chapter 7: I Love You

Chapter 7

***Hahaoya is mother in Japanese***

I'm absolutely terrified of flying. After reading all of those stories about planes going missing and bomb threats, you can count me out. My mom, before she left us, had her private flying license. She would rent planes and fly us all over. That was fun. That was enjoyable. It was great until I watched my uncle Tetsu, my mom's brother, died in a plane crash. Yes, watched. Watched him go down and hit the hard, hard ground. We ran to the plain. I made the mistake of looking inside (I was 7, cut me some slack) and I saw his body, bloody and lifeless. Then I wouldn't dare step foot on a plane. I vowed that I'd never go near a plane ever again. Would you? Would you fly after you saw someone you loved dead because of a plane?

I break down after the phone call for an entire hour, even though no one said I had to go with him. Just like after my mom hit a bird with her car and I didn't do anything but chirp, I don't do anything but cry. And just like in elementary school when I came to school sobbing when my mom left, Ozzie holds me, curled up, in his arms as my clammy hands grip his back.

"Hey, don't cry, Mi," he whispers softly. "Please."

I try to speak, but my sobs drown my words.

Finally, after a long while, I calm down.

"I'm sorry," I manage to whimper again and again. "I . . . ugh."

"Look at me, baby," he says. "What's wrong?"

I look into his eyes, the same way I did when I was 10. Suddenly, I have a flashback.

"Mirai, what's wrong?"

More crying.

"Listen to me, Mi, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."

"My mom," I stammer. "She's - she's gone . . ."

"Why?"

"Hahaoya isn't coming back."

"Your mom? Why?"

I look up into Ozzie's sharp, fierce green eyes. He wraps me in a hug, telling me it's all going to be ok multiple times as I cry.

"Shh, Mirai. It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok. . . ."

"Oh my God." I swallow, remembering everything from fourth grade. "Oh my God."

"What's going on, Mirai?" Ozzie asks me.

"You can't leave," I whisper. "God, no. Please."

"I have to," he says. "But it'll be alright. I swear on my life."

"Don't swear on your life!" I nearly scream. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

His lips brush my cheek. "I love you," Ozzie whispers quietly.

My arms squeeze him tighter. "I love you, too." I bite my lip. "Please don't go. Stay. Resign. Retire. Something. Don't go."

"Tell me what's going on right now in your mind," he says.

"You'll die. You'll go down in a burning plane. I'll never see you again. I'll be alone. Your body in the ocean, decaying. I won't have a chance to say I love you. You'll be gone."

I remember Tetsu, smiling, laughing, and playing hopscotch with me. Him tickling me on the trampoline. His death was so sudden and unexpected. I never had a chance to tell him I loved him. My thoughts turn to my mother. Her beautiful face. Her shining eyes. Her soft hair. Her motherly-smell all mothers have. I never had a chance to tell my mother how much she mattered to me. I never knew she would be gone, just like that, out of my grasp, so quickly. No more smiles or tickles from Tetsu; no more kisses on the forehead from my mother or being tucked in at night.