Sweet as honey • James Maguire

2,2•Thank Fuck for That.

TW⚠️: a feeling of being unwanted and if no one cares.

I hid away from the girls for most of the day. Not in the mood to talk to them about why I'm annoyed. I just find it ridiculous that I get all the punishment, when James played an equal part in what happened. And the fact that he let it happen as well, with no protest. Absolutely ridiculous.

I was locked in my room again as the rest of my friends went out somewhere. They wouldn't tell me where they were going, so I had no clue. Not even James would let me in on the secret place. At this point I was reconsidering our whole relationship. I mean, did he truly care about me? Because after I've blown him he seems to not care at all. A few stray tears slipped down my cheeks at the thought of yet another person not caring about me, so I decided to sneak out. I've had enough of this house and these people, and honestly I don't care if they find out or not. They can't keep punishing me for doing something that wasn't even all my fault. It's not fair. I snuck out the window, wiping my cheeks dry, before jumping down the front of the house and walking away.

I was wondering around aimlessly, wondering if aunt Mart had even realised I was gone yet. Probably not, but even if she had she'd probably be glad about my disappearance. It's not like anyone would notice anyway. I was looking down at the river, wondering what it would be like to be that free. Wanting to be that free. Did the fish have other fish that cared for them? I looked up at the sound of several faint footsteps, to see the group walking in my direction. Shit. I don't think they've noticed me, so hopefully I can make it away quickly. I started to run backwards, before turning around and entering into a sprint. I'll be dead. I know it. I'll surely be dead if they find me. Erin will tell her Ma, and for all I know, Mary will ship me off to somewhere like Australia, without so much as a wave goodbye. I got quite far before I heard the inevitable "Caoimhe!" Shout from James. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. All he'd do is ask why I'd disobeyed Mary's rules, then go and tell Mary of my doing so. I know that Erins probably already got her backstabbing speech planned out, but I can't think about that now.

There was a tap on my shoulder, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut tight. "Leave me alone." I told them, not knowing who it was. "Just tell me whats going on with you? Why are you acting so weird?" James. It was James who caught up with me. "Just fuck off, James! Seriously! I don't want to be dealing with you, or Erin, or this shit anymore!" I told him. "What are you talking about?" James said with his natural ability to get people to open up. "I'm done, James. With all of it. With this ever lasting punishment for something that, may I add, we both took part in! You've let me take the blame for this when we were both a part of it, and you see no issue! And then we have Erin telling on my every move. I've had enough. I can't deal with it anymore. Just, fuck off, all of you." I said to James and the others who had now caught up. I turned around, ready to walk off. "So... what? Are we done then?" James asked me. Making me think. Did I want to finish what I had with him? He is caring when he wants to be. Yet, he so willingly threw me under the bus. He wasn't there to back me up when I needed him. I was torn. "I don't know, James. Just give me time." I told him honestly. "Stop being stupid Caoimhe. Your Aunt grounded you, she's not put you in a prison." Michelle tried to reason with me. "Shut up, Michelle. You have absolutely no clue how I feel. It may seem like a light punishment to you, but it's so much different for me okay! So just shut up" I told her, before storming off. They let me go. When I made it home I climbed back up the lattice along the wall, and went straight to sleep. Not caring about the punishment that may await me tomorrow.

Erin must have got how upset with her I was, for there was no punishment from Mary. I walked into the classroom, standing next to Orla, absolutely dreading Ms De Brúns lesson. I don't understand why they all love her. I can't stand her pretentious ass. "Take a Seat please, ladies" Sister Micheal said from the front of the class, where she was rubbing Ms De Brúns name off the bored. Fuck yes. "Where's Miss De Brún?" Erin questioned. "Gone. And she's not coming back." the nun simply explained. "Oh, thank fuck for that." I said aloud, grateful that at least something recently has gone in my favour. "What!" Erin shouted in shock, causing Clare to go into a mini rant about how she felt that this would happen, only for Michelle to tel her it was a hangover. "I will be taking this class for the rest of term, which makes me want to pull off my own face, but needs must." Sister Michael told us, making me smile.