𝔹𝕠𝕣𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕃𝕠𝕤𝕖 | Tommy Shelby

𝕏𝕀𝕀𝕀. ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 1)

A/N: This is a very long chapter (and a sassy one 😏 *NSFW warning*), so I decided to split it in two parts. This is PART ONE. I'll publish PART TWO in a couple of days.

Remember that votes and/or comments are important to me and motivate me a lot since translate this thing is such a torture lol. 

Enjoy ;)

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June 7th, 1931

My last entry was over a month ago and if I am to find a justification for such neglect of my memories, I would say, without shame, that the last four weeks without Thomas were a martyrdom for me. They were a torture for my soul in which I had to live with my thoughts, alone in Ada's house while she was at work, and the immense need I felt for the man who stole my heart.

I couldn't find any peace through the holidays Thomas gave me. My panic attacks were increasing, even more when I was in the solitude of my room, and the laudanum that the doctor gave me in small doses at first, increased the nightmares and fears in quantity.

During these weeks, I tried to call Thomas several times since I knew that he would never stop by the house, but he did not answer. I assumed that he would be in London but that was no excuse for his disinterest. I confess that I reached a point where I almost began to detest him because of his indifference but now I understand that he did it to uproot everything that could remind me of what had happened in his office.

I'm not sure if he achieved his goal but I admit that spending a day with him healed my soul much more than his disinterest.

My heart races at the simple memory and on my skin I perceive a slight tingling, a mixture of happiness and pleasure. Four weeks passed without seeing him, but twenty-four hours were enough for him to show me all his affection. A huge affection, overflowing with pure feelings, opposite to the image that people have of Thomas Shelby.

I love him. I love him and I'm not sorry to say it. I love him silently and one day I'll be brave enough to let him know. Someday when he can answer me the same. Someday when Ada stops fearing for me. Someday when he's not tied to another woman.

It was Saturday, June 6th, and Thomas had shown up at Ada's house while we were having breakfast. I could not contain myself and I hugged him as soon as he manifested himself in the room, and hiding my face from the inquisitive look of my friend, I cried a little. He responded to my hug in a subtle and almost cold way but I didn't care. When he said that we were going to the estate of his acquaintance, Ada snorted and I smiled. I left my breakfast half off and did not even prepare changes of clothes since we were only going to spend the day although, at the express request of Thomas, I brought my notebook of poems.

The gentle breeze of a spring morning filtered through the car window, taking on the character of a blizzard during the sections in which the car had a free road. Thomas drove in silence and I dozed in the passenger seat, relaxed by the noise of the engine. Then, I felt his hand on my knee.

"How do you feel?" Thomas asked me.

"I'm fine... and happy", I confessed.

I saw how he outlined a smile with his eyes still on the road.

"That's good", he said. "You're going to love your mare. What are you going to name her?". I spluttered realizing that I hadn't thought of such a thing. Thomas seemed amused by that oversight. "You're a writer and therefore have a good imagination. I guess you can come up with something original".