𝔹𝕠𝕣𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕃𝕠𝕤𝕖 | Tommy Shelby

𝕏𝕍𝕀. ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 2)

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June 9th, 1931

I'm scared. Terror has settled in my body and, wrapped in a towel, I'm shaking. I apologize, dear diary, testimony of all my memories, for the horrifying handwriting that today you will have to endure, but if I do not write this now, I'm afraid that tomorrow the laudanum will erase from my mind the memory of blood, the smell of gunpowder, the dread I felt when I saw Thomas dying in my arms.

I hear Ada in the bathroom and know that she is squatting in the tub, frenziedly brushing the fabric of my dress, while the hot water softens the dried blood and runs down the pipes, stained carmine.

This morning, when I looked in my closet for the most beautiful dress I had, I never imagined that it would end up in such a state. I did it with the stupid illusion of wearing an elegant dress like the one I had seen on Lizzie Shelby yesterday, with the difference that mine was not silver or silk, but was made of a flowing, white muslin.

When I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror, I was surprised at the image that returned my sight. I have always liked to dress well but, lacking a salary that allows me to buy beautiful clothes, I'm satisfied with wearing ordinary dresses. I try to find interesting and inexpensive clothes, being lucky to find them very rarely, but the only way I can get an expensive dress is if someone gives it to me and that was Andrew did during the years we were a couple. Sadly, when we broke up and I arrived in Birmingham with the expectation of starting a new life, I left all of his gifts to rot in London.

The white dress had been a gift from my mother, who without telling me had recycled the wedding dress that I had never worn and had turned it into a garment worthy of an evening ball... but not of an office.

But I didn't care. I was determined to wear that dress to the company this morning and I blushed as I imagined the compliments Thomas would give me. He had known how to delight in the infamous dress that I had worn an afternoon that seemed so far away.

When I left my room, I went to the living room where Ada was waiting for me to go to work together. Looking at me, she raised an eyebrow.

"What do you think?" I asked, full of excitement.

"It's beautiful", she said, adjusting her hat. "You rarely wear white. It fits you well".

"Thank you", I smiled. "Do you think it's okay wearing this in the Company?"

"Why not?", Ada dismissed my concern. "And if it is not, fuck it. We don't have a dress code and, as part of the directory, if someone catches your eye, you tell me and I'll fire them". I saw my friend smile maliciously.

We both left the house amid laughter and small talk. It filled me with happiness to share those kinds of moments with my friend again, since the last circumstances had loaded our relationship with harshness.

We arrived at the Company and, in the hall, Ada said goodbye to me to go to her offices, reminding me of the promise I had made to her of having lunch together. I stood there for a couple of seconds, nervous, and was making sure that my dress was still just as spotless when I heard a pair of heels behind me and as I turned around, I found Gina.

Unlike me, she wore black all over her and her eyes twinkled wickedly at my presence.

"Nice dress", Gina blurted out, and she made no effort to hide the mocking tone in her voice.

"Thank you", I said but she didn't even stop and walked past me.

I saw her get into the lift all alone and, just as the lift doors were closing, Michael entered the building smoking a cigarette and carrying his briefcase.