Secrets

Chapter 4: Turning Point

"Hey mom, I'm home!" I say while opening the front door.

I set my bag down and head to the kitchen. 

"Hey honey, how was school?" Mom asked.

"It was good, I guess. I made a friend called Dylan and Ava." I responded.

I grab a bag of chips and run up to my room. I grab my blades and sit on my bed. 

(TW: self-harm)

"Here we go again, ouch," I say while slowly passing the blade over my skin. 

"I wish Dad was here with us, I wish Sadie was here, I wish I could go back. Why do I have to grow up so fast? Why do I have to go to school? Why do I look like this? Can I die please?" I think to myself. 

I lay down and think to myself, "Since we're staying here for a while, or maybe even forever, I might as well make friends live a life I've always wanted, or even just go out." 

I slowly stand up and go sit at my desk. I take out my new journal and title the first page 

"Bucket List" I then go on Pinterest and search for fun bucket list ideas. Before I knew it, I already had 25 ideas written down. 

"What if the mean girls at school talk to me again? What if I fail this year? What if I get in trouble? What if I get embarrassed?" I thought again. Oh my gosh, I need to stop overthinking. 

When the clock strikes midnight, my eyes are still wide open, I tried everything I could do to sleep, but nothing seemed to work. I got out of bed and headed towards my window. I slowly opened it and climbed onto it. It has a little extra space where I sit. It was a bit dangerous but I didn't mind. I really wanted to jump off, but I didn't want my mom to worry about me. I used to get bullied every day at my old school, I never told my family. The bullies told me to kill myself and that I wasn't worth anything. I tilted my head down, my mind was just telling me to jump but I tried controlling myself. 

2 am already, I got off the window and walked down to the living room. I got my coat on and quietly opened the front door. I walk for a couple of minutes, then, all of a sudden, I see someone I never expected to be out at 2 am. 

"A- Ava?" I say in shock. 

"Oh, hey Syd!" She replies.

"What are you doing out so late?" I question 

"I like going for late-night walks, they help me calm down." She responds

"Oh, fun!"

We stand next to each other and start walking. We arrive at a playground and we decide to sit on the swings. We started getting into deep conversations. I felt super relaxed talking to her, for some reason. It was so dark but she still shined. I just wanted to hug her very tightly. Maybe, a little more than a hug. 

"Uhm, Sydney, I Just wanted to let you know that... you're gorgeous, I mean I've never seen prettier than you." She says nervously.

My brain freaked out. My jaw dropped. I'm going insane."I'm sorry what? Does she know who she's talking to?" I thought

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much, you are stunning as well!" 

She looks deep into my eyes and leans in. I got millions of butterflies in my stomach. My fingertips were sweating and my heart was beating faster than it has ever beaten. She grabbed my face and kissed me softly. I was in heaven. Her lips were so soft, it felt like a baby's skin. I was screaming with joy inside. I wanted to cry with happiness, which I haven't done in a while. I've never been this overjoyed in my life. 

"Woah, uh thank you," I say as soon as she lets go.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I just couldn't handle myself." She said in a nervous voice.

"No worries, I liked it," I said back as I giggled.

We both giggle. I go in for a hug and she puts her arms around me. She smelled like vanilla and her hair touched my face like a feather. We hugged for a while. Later, the sun slowly started rising. It was beautiful to see. A hug, amazing smell, and a sunset. Not to forget, the kiss earlier.