Letters to Audrine

30- I Won't Be Here

Dear Maisie,

I know you're still upset at me, and I don't blame you. I know that I totally overreacted when I saw your parents at the hotel. I shouldn't have ignored you, that was childish of me. When I saw them here, my mind just went blank and I thought you had lied to me about staying in France. Or maybe that you didn't lie, but that you changed your mind. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to you, so I was avoiding you and that was a huge mistake.

If you really did leave, it would have been the biggest regret of my life if I wasn't able to say goodbye to you before you left. Even now, I'm worried that it's my biggest regret, because I don't know if you'll forgive me for hurting you like that. I really love you, Maisie, and I will do anything in my power to get you back. You are the most kind, soft, brave, talented, and beautiful girl I have ever met. My biggest fear is ending up like our grandparents. That eventually, our love story will just be something that happened fifty years ago and can't get back. I know that if this does happen, it will be my fault, but I'm going to do everything in my power not to let that happen.

I'm going to give you as much space as you need, but I'm here when you're ready to talk to me. Or if you are ready to talk to me. It's only been a week since I've kissed you, but that feels too long. I miss you so much, and I hope that we can talk soon.

Love,

Silas

I find the letter propped inside my mailbox after I return to the house from saying goodbye to my family, along with the deer painting leaning against the wall. I'd spent the week with them, sometimes getting the house situated, and other times showing them around the area. My mom did indeed get her relaxing beach day, and my dad got to explore the city. Trevor didn't really care what we did, and just followed around looking bored and uninterested the entire time. We bonded some when I played his Nintendo Switch together.

Now, they're headed back to the States without me, and I have no other distractions to help me avoid thinking about Silas. Especially with this letter that's appeared, I know I can't avoid it forever.

When I'm done reading the letter, I notice Silas watching me from the busy patio of the restaurant next door. My first instinct is to avoid him, but I've been doing that all week and it needs to stop. I don't want to give up on him, so if we really want to work this out, we can't just keep avoiding each other. I'm still upset at him for the way that he reacted, but I know he feels bad, and I still love him a lot.

Making eye contact with him, I sit down on the patio step at the front door of the building. The first floor is still completely empty, but once I get more settled here, I will be looking for somebody to rent the space.

Silas accepts my silent invitation to join me on the patio, and he starts walking toward me with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets. He looks nervous.

"Hey," he greets me awkwardly when he arrives.

"That was a nice letter," I tell him in a small voice.

"Well, I meant every word," he promises me and then sits down beside me on the patio. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"You're not good at dealing with negative emotions," I inform him, as if I'm a psychologist or know anything about the human psyche. I'd like to think I know Silas fairly well though, and I feel like I do understand him. "I know that I shouldn't have lied about telling my mom the truth, and I'm sorry. Every time I would talk to her, though, she would be so excited about me coming home and I just never found the words."

"I understand," he says. "You didn't have to lie about it, I would have helped you through it."

"I know. I just didn't want you to think that I was second guessing my decision," I admit to him, and then I let out a soft snort of a laugh. "I guess that really blew up in my face though."