"I KNOW. I know, Hanna that I messed up but until when is he going to blame me for it? I've let him go. I distanced myself. I'm not even doing anything, not even asking about him, but why? Why am I still being hurt?"
It was four in the morning and I was on the phone with Hanna. I know that I probably woke her up and Matthew, nahihiya ako, pero kailangan kong ilabas ang sama ng loob ko. Ang dami kong hindi maintindihan, ang dami kong nararamdamang masakit na naman. I know that I'm not okay and it will probably take a long time before I can finally say that I'm okay.
"Mati, drive me there right now!" I could hear Hanna telling Matthew to drive her here. I was shaking my head. She doesn't need to be here. I just need someone to listen to me. "Pau, Pau, you listen to me, okay? You calm down, Mati will drive me there. Do you want ice cream?"
"No..." I sobbed. "I want the pain to stop." I just kept on sobbing. I've been crying ever since Enzo left the unit. The tears just won't stop. All the pain, all the uncertainties all the regrets and all the blaming myself because I fucked up this perfect relationship came crushing down in front of me and I just can't help the tears.
Until when am I going to be like this? I just want the pain to fucking stop.
xxxx
"HEY!"
Matthew nodded at me. It's Tuesday and I don't have work, so I decided to visit Matthew before I go and pick Gwen from work. We decided to eat dinner later. We haven't seen each other since last Saturday. She went to her Mom's house in Batangas to take care of some family business. Kababalik niya lang kaninang umaga.
Matthew and I did our secret handshake. We've been best friends since I could remember and Matthew knows everything about me – including the pain I suffered almost a year and a half ago. Him and Hanna – his wife were the ones who helped me get back on my two feet. I will forever be grateful to them.
"I brought some beer, though I won't be drinking. Manunundo ako mamaya." I grinned at my best friend. I looked around trying to find Hanna but the house is awfully quiet, so I turned yo Mati. "Where's the wife?"
"Uh, she left earlier. She needs to take care of... well, some business. Kumain ka na ba? Nagluluto ako. How's your mom? Nakausap ko si Jade kagabi, nagpa-check up raw si Tita kahapon."
"Right." I only said. My brows furrowed and I frowned on Matthew. He's being weird. I've known him for a long time and he's being so weird now. I wanted to ask, baka nag-away sila ni Hanna but before I could say anything, the front door opened again, and I was greeted by the sight of Hanna and our friend Ricky. I smiled at the both but again, before I can even say anything, Hanna greeted me with a hard slap in my face. Kulang ang sabihing nabigla ako.
"Hanna!" Mati tried to take his wife away from me, but Hanna was strong – she has always been a strong woman. I remember Matthew telling me that he fell for Hanna that moment she punched his face. It's weird but love is weird.
"You fucker!" Hanna hissed at me. She slapped me again. "We get it, Enzo. We get it! You were hurt, you are mad because she hurt you, she cheated yes, I was even mad at her but Enzo, she endured everything, she regrets it and even if I hate her so much, I could see that. I could see the pain in her eyes when you told her that you love Gwen. We get it, Enzo, you moved on, she got stuck, but until when are you going to hurt her? She's a human being too and she doesn't' deserve this!" Pinagsusuntok ni Hanna ang dibdib ko. Pinipigilan siya ni Ricky at ni Mati pero hindi talaga siya mapigilan. She's even crying now.
