Waves of Anguish

Prologue

"How's the construction of the new company in Makati?" I asked while checking a different folder given to me by Hera, my secretary.

Basahin ko raw ito ng mabuti pero wala akong time gawin 'yon kaya sinasabay ko itong basahin habang nakikinig sa presentation ngayon.

"As of yesterday, the project is ahead of the schedule given. The workers are doing their job properly and there were no reports of misconduct."

Napatango-tango naman ako habang patuloy na nakatutok sa naibigay na folder sa akin.

"But there was a minor accident yesterday.. Ma'am," alanganin nitong tuloy.

Napaangat ako ng tingin kay Mr. Martinez, assigned head for that project, na nakaupo malapit sa bintana.

Tumayo agad ito. He is handsome but not my type of handsome.

"There was a car crash near the construction Ma'am and they blamed us for what happened. It was already taken care of the legal team, Ma'am. I believe the report was given to your office this morning," he aswered convincingly.

Napakunot ang noo ko. Sinara ko ang folder bago maglakad sa harapan.

"I apologize, I went directly to Vista Hotel and Suites for a meeting this morning. I'll check on that as soon as I have the time to do so."

"I want updates about all of the projects, next Monday. That is all, meeting adjourned." I ended the meeting and left the room to prepare for another one.

This work will be the death of me! But it's fine, I love doing it anyways.

I tried to remember my schedule after this and I remembered that I have to go to a dinner set by my Mom.

After closing the door of my office, I remembered I left the folder about the partnership.

"Kung tanga-tanga ka nga naman, yun pa talaga ang naiwan mo," pagsesermon ko sa sarili ko ng patago habang naglalakad pabalik ng conference room.

Pagpasok ko ay nakita ko itong nakapatong sa mismong upuan ko.

"Ugh, thank goodness!" I blurted out, relieved that it's still where I left it.

"Still clumsy huh?" I turned around quickly, recognizing the voice. His voice, but deeper and.. colder.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were still here, I'll go now." I apologized and then walked past him.

Before leaving the room, I heard him laugh and it made me face him.

"Are we gonna act like we don't know each other, Sol?" I furrowed my forhead at his statement.

"It's better to act like we don't. It wouldn't start issues and we don't have to mind each other." Natahimik ito sa sagot ko kaya napagdesisyunan ko ng magpaalam.

"If that's all, I already have to leave."

"That's what you do best, leaving," he said with emphasis on the last word.

I closed my eyes tightly before going infront of him.

"And I don't regret what I did," I answered, looking at him straight in the eyes.

Pain crossed his eyes but it turned into his usual look, cold.

"Ofcourse you fucking don't. You did it without even hesitating."

I shook my head. "I have no fucking time for this. I hate bringing up the past, especially when it is and should already be burried." I calmly answered back.

He looked so mad but all I saw was in his eyes were pain but he wouldn't just let me see himself like that.

He smirked at me and looked out the window, the sun was already setting. The bright orange light flowed through the window casting his shadow on the floor.

While looking at his shadow, I weakly smiled. Thinking thay I have onced called that man, the love of my life.

We were once in that phase where we'd do everything, anything for each other. Always.

Funny how it's all in the past now. It should be that way because it would cause us double the pain we felt the first time. Ikakasira lang naming dalawa.

Napatingin ako sakanya ng lumingon siya at ilahad ang kamay sakin.

I looked at it, confused.

"It was nice seeing you again, Ms. Velasquez." Ngumiti ito pero wala na yung saya, kilig at pagmamahal na naramdaman ko tuwing nakikita ko itong ngumiti dati.

Even the guilt, the hate, the pain and the pity was gone. Wala na akong nararamdaman tuwing nakikita ko siya. Wala ng kahit ano.

"Likewise, Mr. Ciazzo. But I hope that this will be the last time we'll be seeing each other. I'm assuming you feel the same way. Goodbye."

For the second time, I'll be giving up on giving it another chance.

For us.

I walked straight and fast. Leaving him again. Proving what he said.

That leaving is what I'm good at.

"Miss, I was looking for y—"

I couldn't help breaking down as soon as I closed the door.

Tinakpan ko pa yung bibig ko para di makagawa ng ingay. Sobrang lakas ng katahimikan para marinig kong unti-unti nanamang nababasag yung ako.

Ako na pilit kong binuo sa pitong taong wala siya.

"I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I- I really am.." pilit kong binubulong, as if he would hear me. As if it would lessen the pain.

I keep on telling myself I did what I had to do. That I did the right thing.

For us. Lagi namang para saming dalawa. Lagi.

But why does it hurt? Why does it have to fucking hurt like this? Why do I have to feel the same pain all over again? Why couldn't we just face that it was never meant to be in the first place?

I wiped my face, only to pull my hair again while sobbing so hard.

"Pu.. tang.. ina!" nahihirapang bulong ko. Putangina, bakit sobrang hirap pa ring intindihin bakit nangyari lahat ng nangyari sa amin..

Why couldn't I think of him and not feel anything like what I did when I was in the same room as him? Why?!

I realized that it still fucking hurts because maybe it was really burried.. but not forgotten.

Kasi sino bang linoloko ko?

Jasper Kairo Caizzo, one fucking hard to forget engineer.