PEHLA PYAR

05 || friends ||

16th February
10.15 AM

Soft drizzles cover the large green lawn of the house as the breezes welcome me for the day. I smiled lazily as I read Reyansh message with a half-open eye. Oh, this man is just like these breezes in my life, making me feel alive, giving me the courage to wake up every day.

Sometimes I do wonder how life would have looked like without him. Deadly desert with no end, that will what life would look like without him.

A few years ago, I thought Love used to look like broken promises and betrayals. If not because of him, I would never get this beautiful idea of love. Now I know, Love looks like roses, it has thrones, pains of its own but still it is beautiful, filling the serenity in my heart.

I smile thinking about all ways he had healed me, I had healed him. I think that's the beauty of our Love. We were just broken and we healed together.

"Its already past ten in the morning. Are you planning to sleep all day?" Maa's voice brings me back to reality. In this place waking up after nine in the morning is nearly a sin. And I had always been a rebel.

Back in the days when I used to come during my semester breaks, I used to lay down all day, and my father used to scream his heart out, I stopped caring. I laughed at the scene now, how every time I came back, I went back before my break ends always with tears.

This place was just a house perhaps never my home. I sighed as I sit up straight in my bed, bringing my knees close to my chest as I rest my chin upon them. I pulled my hairs out of the braid I had last night.

The winds play with my waves, reminding me how Baba used to hate it whenever I used to keep my hairs open. I gulped, even in his absence now sometimes I feel chills down my spine terrified that he will come out of nowhere and hold my hairs tight.

"Aish," Maa called me and passed me a worrying look. Tears line up near the edges, I blink them away as I gulp my pain again. He is gone, I don't need to afraid anymore. I neither I am that eighteen-year-old who will

"Huh?"

"What are you thinking about?" Maa sits next to me taking my hand in hers.

My hands are no softer like they used to be, courtesy of countless alcohol wash and laboratory hours. She softly holds them and furrowed, "You are here, you should wear some choriya." And here we go again.

"Maa I don't want to and..."

"Beta I get it you don't, but yaha log baatein banate hain toh yaha pehen lia karo." Anger consumes me and I can feel my body burning in rage.

"I don't care, the people you are worrying about are no one to judge me, haven't they done that enough? What's more, is left Maa?" I screamed in frustration as I stand up from the bed.

She looked at me with this shocking expression. It's not a regular thing to see me losing calm. She had never seen me like this, for her I had always concealed my emotions behind this smiling face. It was until Reyansh came into the picture. I breathed calming my nerves, this is one of the reasons I never wanted to come back here.

"Sorry Maa." She smiles but disappointment fills her expressions. And honestly, I care less about it now.

"I think I should get ready." I took a new pair of jeans and started looking for a top to go with that.

"You have some plans already?" Maa asked.

"Yeah." I hummed taking out my white bodysuit and black jacket. "I am going to Tanveer's place."

"And you are wearing that?" She eyed my outfit, I passed her a questioning look.

"Aish please at least wear a salwar, your Bua is coming today and..." As much as I want to debate on that, I don't have it in me anymore, another reason I never wanted to come back to her, it makes me lose my mind.