I D E N T I T Y

Learning to Play With Fire

Inhale

Exhale

Just breathe in,

and right back out.

Clenching the edge of my dresser, I slowly breath in and out, trying to slow the whirlwind of forgotten memories rushing back to me.

It's been happening constantly since I left the school that day last week, that heart-wrenching day. When Steve—

I gasp as my head gives another painful throb. Old memories of Steve and I resurface, like they do every time I think of him. That's what it is, it's like the plunger that has been blocking my memories of my life before the coma has suddenly come loose and now the floodgates have flown open. But it's not just him, in fact lately the slightest thing has triggered even the smallest of memories.

Like when I got home that night and saw my bed, the same bed I've seen since I woke up front the coma, and a thousand different memories of just that bed came flooding into my mind, each one fighting for my attention. It's quite painful honestly, gives me the worst headache.

I continue to take deep breaths as I look at my reflection. Thinking back to when I first woke up in the hospital, I remember how nauseated I was when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. How confused and distant I felt. I had no idea who Peyton Comber was, all I knew was Olivia Wright.

And now I must be both. Stop hiding, stop pretending, stop faking. I've changed since three years ago, I'm not just the same fun-loving Peyton anymore, I've lived another life and I've learned from it. I can't stop running from who I really am, as cheesy as that sounds.

Because whether I like it or not, I am Olivia Wright...but I am also Peyton Comber. Like that doctor said that first day in the hospital: "Peyton Comber is your name, but who you are is not a name."

I think I finally know what he means.

"Peyton! Hurry up, you're going to be late again!" Rachel calls from downstairs.

I bite my lip. "Coming! Just one second!"

"It better be just a second!"

Sighing, I shove my countless books and papers into my backpack. But I also make sure to grab the folder containing many note filled papers about the organization X and my connection to them. I have to make sure that I don't leave anything out when I tell Kevin.

Kevin

I'm so ready to see him. These past five days without him have been absolute torture. I've nearly exploded from not telling him all I've found out, though its helped that I can talk to Jacklyn about this stuff now. But still, she's not Kevin.

Though that's not the only reason I need to see him. Steve said that if I don't cut off ties with Kevin then they'll, meaning X, will have to remove him themselves. According to them he's in the way of their diabolical plans to get rid of me. But...I simply can't do that, I need Kevin. Without him I just...can't think straight. Nothing makes sense anymore, at least the little that did doesn't.

So I have to protect him and keep him safe, nobody is going to hurt him.

Nobody

"Peyton I swear if you don't get down here this instant I'll-"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I yell, rushing down the stairs. Rachel catches me right before I fly out the door, kisses my cheek, and says she loves me.

I smile. "I love you too."

Then I run out the door, into my car, and drive to school.

I drive to Kevin, hoping there are no bumps along the way.