I D E N T I T Y

Something Familiar

School starts in a few weeks and I'm having mixed feelings about it. It'll be nice to get out of the house and do something normal for once, but then again there's a lot of people there who I used to know, most who don't know about my scattered memory. But I'll get through it, I'm sure of it. If there's anything that I've learned from these past couple of months is that I can get through anything with the help of Rachel, Kevin, and...

Steve

Steve, the guy that I haven't spoken to in almost two weeks. The guy who loved me. The guy that I pushed away because I was too scared. The guy...

The guy that I'm going to apologize to.

I asked Rachel for his address this morning, I just have to see him before school starts. Because whether I like it or not, I want him. No, I need him. So here I am, pulling into his driveway, getting ready to apologize. I can't help but feel nervous. Recently I've had the tendency to mess everything up...let's hope this breaks the routine.

So I take a deep breath, get out of the car, and walk up to the front door. I knock once, I knock twice, I knock three times before I hear footsteps come up to the door. The lock clicks and the door slowly begins to open. The person at the door is...

A ten year old girl?

But before I can ask where Steve is, the girl runs towards me and nearly tackles me with a hug.

"Peyton, Peyton! It's really you! Oh I missed you so much! I wanted to see you sooner but Steve said that I would be too much for you, but I'm not am I?" The girl asks energetically. But she continues before I can answer. "Look how much taller I am! And look, I've lost three teeth! The tooth fairy gave me lots of money and-" Her rant is cut off by an older boy coming down some stairs.

"Sadie who are you talk-" Steve's voice trails off when he sees me. His green eyes look surprised but I can still see the hurt lingering in them. I return the stare, only my blue eyes hold regret and behind that, they're longing.

Sadie's obviously clueless to mine and Steve's emotions because she just smiles brightly and starts to speak again. "Stevie, Peyton's here! Are you guys going to kiss? Or stare lovingly into each others eyes? Ooh is that what your doing right now?" Sadie asks excitedly.

Steve snaps out of our stare first. "Sadie how about you go to the kitchen so Peyton and I can talk, okay?"

Sadie doesn't look convinced. "Are you guys really going to talk or are you going to kiss? Because if your going to kiss I want to stay!"

Steve rolls his eyes. "Sadie just go to the kitchen please!" He says rather impatiently.

Sadie obeys but she still makes kissing noises as she walks to the kitchen. Steve motions for me to come in and we go sit on the couch. There's a noticeable space between us that I would do anything to fill. An awkward silence fills the room as I rake my brain for the right way to apologize. After about five more minutes I just decide to say the first thing that pops into my head:

"I know why Allie hates me now and...I understand why you didn't tell me." I say quietly.

Steve's eyes meet mine now. "You do? Who-who told you?"

I take a deep breath. "Kevin did. And I'll admit it, it wasn't easy to hear...but it did help me understand. Which is something that I've wanted to do for while." I admit.

"So he actually kept his word." Steve said, I'm guessing to himself because I have no idea what he's talking about. He continues. "I know I haven't exactly helped you, I just...I didn't want the answers to crush you. I-I didn't want you to relive all of those horrible things. I know this sounds crazy but...I wanted things to be perfect." He confesses lowering his eyes to the ground. "But I guess I should know by now that perfect things don't exist."