I D E N T I T Y

Positively Peyton

"Olivia! Your hair looks fine! Just get in the car, we're going to be late for school because of you!" Mason yells to me.

"Be patient I'm coming! This is the first day of senior year for me, I have to look perfect!" I call back, furiously braiding my auburn hair.

Mason comes in and grins. "You mean look perfect for Blake?"

I throw down my brush and launch a pillow at him. "Shut up!"

He runs away. "Moooom! Olivia punched me!"

"I did not!"

I close my eyes. I haven't even been to school yet and I'm already stressed. Today has to be perfect. The first day of school is full of new things and unfortunately, I stink at new things.

New clothes, new cliques, new boyfriend, new year.

New me.

I hear a soft knock on my door and open my eyes. It's my mom.

"Olivia sweetie, we have to go or else the boys won't make it to school." She says softly.

I look at my reflection. "I know it's just..."

She comes over. "I know." She looks at me. "You look beautiful sweetheart, don't forget that."

I bite my lip. "I just want today to be perfect. But how can it be perfect when I'm not even close?" I ask.

My mother rubs my back. "Nothing's perfect sweetheart. Not even you. Today is the start of a new year, today is the day where many mistakes will be made. You might be late to class or lose a pencil but that's okay! Just please promise me you'll try to have fun today, you only get to be a senior once." She tells me.

I smile at her. "Your right. I only get to be a senior once and I'm going to make every second of it count! Thanks mom." I hug her.

"By the way, who's this Blake boy Mason was talking about?" My mom asks suspiciously.

"No one mom, he's just a friend!" And with that I grab my backpack and walk to the car.

***

Only get to be a senior once, huh?

Try again.

My alarm clock goes off and I hit the snooze button groggily. Why did I have to have strange dreams the night before school starts?

Well it wasn't a dream, it was a memory, but not one I've forgotten, one I'm trying to forget. Kind of like how I'm trying to forget everything about Olivia Wright. Some part of my body is telling me that trying to forget Olivia is stupid, that to hold on just not as tightly as before.

But I'm done holding on, I let go of Blake and I got a bunch of my memories back and Steve is my boyfriend again. So I must be doing something right...right?

Did you really let go of Blake, your husband, the love of your life?

I clench my jaw. He's not my husband, he's not the love of my life, he's not REAL! I'm not Olivia anymore! I'm Peyton, I need to start acting like it!

I've been trying to act like the Peyton everyone once knew and loved. Like trying to act more bubbly and wearing some of the clothes in my closet. I even tried to call Rachel mom but...I couldn't. I think back to my memory/dream. Some things you just can't let go of.

My alarm goes off again and this time I actually get up and get ready for school. First I brush my teeth, then I put on the outfit I picked out last night (a jean skirt and a navy sweater). The last thing I do is apply a bit of makeup and start trying to fix my hair.