Ambivalence

1

Nothing compared to the breathtaking and nerve racking thrill that came with holding another living breathing person's life in your own two hands. Every past sacrifice made was a consolation to this moment. Meredith Grey didn't regret anything.

All eyes were on the surgeon that appeared to be much younger than her skill set would lead them to believe. She operated swiftly and with confidence on one of those most difficult procedures ever performed in her specialty. It was crucial that she didn't jab her scalpel in the wrong direction or even too far to the left to prevent Mr. Gibson from ending up quadriplegic or with severe focal deficits.

Meredith built a mental wall between the rest of the world and herself, so thick that she didn't notice the man dressed in similar apparel wearing the same latex gloves until it was already far too late.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" silence filled the gallery as her voice stunned everyone around her; everyone but the man her anger was directed towards.

"Saving my patient's life," his voice was much calmer than hers and he didn't have the decency to look up and make eye contact with her while speaking. It was probably because he was also focused on repairing the spinal injuries ahead of him, but Meredith chose to believe it was just his way of being dismissive.

"Saving! Do you have any idea what you just did?"

"What I did was fix the problem that you caused," his voice was condescending and he remained looking down. "With your approach, my patient could've ended up in a wheelchair. You do know what that would mean for his career, don't you?"

"Do I know what that means?" Meredith fought to keep her composure with the full gallery observing her. "Of course I know what that means, I was handling it. If you would've waited merely a second you would see that I had a plan."

"If I would've waited Mr. Gibson would be a vegetable, I don't think his wife or the millions of fans expecting him to make a full recovery would appreciate it if he came off of this table a vegetable."

"A vegetable? Is that how you talk about your patients with other doctors?"

"Only the ones I dated," the lean man with what appeared to be the world's dreamiest hair and piercing blue eyes set down his instruments and met her glare.

Meredith couldn't believe what was happening. She never thought she'd see him again, let alone be standing in the same OR. Before she could grasp reality he pulled off his gloves and strolled to the scrub room.

"My work here is done!" She heard his familiar voice echo through the walls as he rinsed his hands and exited, leaving her with an open skull flap to close.

It had to have been a coincidence. Some ill twist of fate. Maybe he was flown in for a case and happened to stop by to throw her off. He was fond of making things difficult for her; one of the many reasons they had never worked out.

She continued trying to convince herself, and had finally gotten to the point where she believed it. That was until her freshly brewed two dollar cup of coffee was now staining her lab coat and the rose button up underneath it.

"Damn it!" she yelped as the steam stung her skin.

"Watch where you're going next time!" she was wrong. The same man she swore never to speak to again had just bumped into her in the hallway while he was mindlessly texting and proceeded to blame her.

Meredith stood in astonishment while he failed to look up from the device in his hands and continued walking without care for anyone but himself. "Seriously!" she watched him ignore her a second time, not being able to put up with another minute of his arrogance.

"Ow! What are you-" Derek's eyes left his screen and he blinked once, twice, and again until the woman in front of him was no longer a figment of his imagination.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was going to check on my patient when a klutz couldn't tell their left from their right," his eyes darted back to his phone.

"I'm the klutz? You're the one who doesn't feel the need to pay attention to anyone but yourself. What are you even doing on that thing, sending messages of confidence to your own number to feed your ego?" Meredith crossed her arms over her chest and hid her clenched fists from his view.

"No actually, I was just admiring myself in the camera on my phone, must've gotten distracted," he remarked and snapped his blackberry shut, tucking it away in his pocket and smirking at her obvious irritation.

"Funny, I don't know why I ever dumped you," she grumbled.

"I'm pretty sure I dumped you." Derek scratched his head and pretended to think about their last encounter.

"Cheating on me with some skank doesn't give you the right to claim you broke up with me. You may have been the reason we ended things, but I'm the one that did all the heavy lifting."

"I don't think Clarissa was a skank. Jasmine, Jasmine was a...phew she was something,'' he wiped the hallucinatory foam from his mouth and smirked when he realized he was getting under skin - some things never change.

The only thing stopping her from slapping him was her role as an attending and the several witnesses around them. Meredith held her breath and fought every negative thought telling her to forget her duties and leave a throbbing red mark on his face as his sharp jaw leaned closer to her and his low voice whispered in her ear.

"The woman that I slept with the night you told me you loved me, she was a keeper."

Her nails dug into the skin of her palm and the redness of her cheeks wasn't a cause of the steaming liquid running down her abdomen.

"Dr. Grey!" his life was saved by the bell as her boss and the owner of the hospital interrupted their feud.

"Dr. Fox," she nodded. Meredith cleared her throat and tried to cover up the stain on her shirt, but it was no use as the coffee bled through every layer of clothing. She turned her undivided attention to the older woman in front of her.

"I see you've met your competition."

The ex-lovers turned to each other confusedly and back at Dr. Fox. This couldn't be happening.