A Fresh Start

Chapter 27-Labor Day Weekend 2015

Ryan

I've been playing football since I was 5 years old. My dad loves this sport and threw Josh and me into it early.

I like football, don't get me wrong, but I don't love it. I love teams. I love winning. I love being around a group of people wanting to do the same thing.

Over the years, I developed a series of tasks that I have to do before a game. It's dumb, but it's essential.

In 3rd grade, I realized that I was more likely to win a game if I chewed cinnamon gum right before the first play and then swallowed it.

That's clearly just science.

In 5th grade, I learned that I had to put my gear on the left cleat first, Then left glove, repeat on the right side. We won 5 games in a row.

That and the gum were again, just science. 

Freshman year, I added a new one—conditioning in the proper order.

Downward dog. Mountain climbers. Child's pose. Jumping jacks. Leg stretches. Arm stretches. Child poses to close it out. 

The guys thought it was dumb, but I did it anyway, and it helped us win 4 games in a row.

Again science.

Now you're wondering how it could be a perfect system if I don't win all the time.

Answer - that's life. You can do everything the right way and still mess it all up. These just help me win.

Junior year, I added the last part of the winning formula; A kiss from TK. Be it in person, via text, or on FaceTime, that had to happen. It started with my first game on varsity, in my first game where I was the one making the calls.

I picked him up before the game, and he knew I was nervous. He was sweet, kind, and told me I would be great. Football's a team sport that relies on individuals more than most sports, in my opinion. The Quarterback and the wide receiver have their tasks; the offensive line have theirs, one person makes a mistake, and it's done. He knew I needed to be sure of myself. TK held my hand, and I looked at him and counted the freckles on his face, 6 always 6. He was quick and calm and kissed me on the lips—no tongue, nothing to get me fired up, just something to calm me down.

That night I threw 200 yards and zero interceptions—my best game to that point. I confessed to TK my rituals, and he was game cause he liked supporting me.

Three more games, three more kisses, Three more massive wins, and that helped me get to this point, actually. Even when we broke up cause I was an idiot who was afraid to come out. He still did it. The big schools took notice of the Junior from Colorado throwing passes like a pro.

Game five was the risk. He had a soccer game at the same time as my pregame rituals. I was nervous, then I looked and saw the word "kiss" in a text.

I made it count and won again.

We went to state that year but didn't win. I blame the gum; it was just mint. We won the following year, and that was when I realized I had a problem. TK and I were heading towards a break-up. No matter what I said to him, that seemed to be his answer.

Like I said, it's a science. Sometimes stuff doesn't work out. I have my gum, I have my gear, I lead warm-up, so it was my way, But how do I tell TK I need the kiss.

The last month has been awkward for us both. I'm busy with class and football. He's busy with class and soccer. The difference is when he's busy, he still stops what he's doing to answer me. I'm not doing that. When we first met, you'd need 3-5 business days to get a text back from him. Now, Most people are lucky to get an answer in an hour. I use to get them right away, usually. MAYBE 10 minutes later.

The drive out to Ohio was like that. I'd text, and he answers.

A few days went by, and I was with the team having fun and getting to know everyone. He'd text, and I wouldn't answer right away, but when I did, he would be there.

Week 2- he still texted me, but nothing serious. The causal conversation was dying out. I knew it, but I was busy. He knew it but was probably feeling rejected.

Week 3- we had one conversation about his new car on the first day of school. I pissed him off, and I knew it. He knew it, but he didn't think it was important enough to say. My reptile-sized brain moved on, thinking everything was going to be ok once I could focus on him.

Week 4-I butt-dialed him at some point after a party and left a long voicemail. I don't know what I said, but TK wasn't having my apology. I was drunk that night, so I could have said anything to him. I hope I didn't talk about Rachel; that's the last thing I need right now. She's pretty and fun to talk to, and we made out the night before; TK knows I'm Bi, leaning.....gay, I guess. I asked Trevor if he knew anything, and he just said I should be careful who I buttdial. So it's confirmed that TK's mad and probably cried his eyes out to Trevor.

That brings me to today. In my first game for OSU, I'm the backup Quarterback today, but who knows what'll happen.

I check my routine twice to make sure I didn't miss a move. No kiss means the others will need to be extra powerful today. I'm suited up and ready to go, but I stop myself. "'Maybe he'll text me," I say To myself, willing it into existence.

I check my phone and see I have unread texts.

Sarah, Jamie, Trevor, Dad , Mom, Josh.

I don't want to kiss any of you.

And

TK!

TK- I don't know if you've told your new friend about your ritual. If you have, then Nevermind. If you haven't, then read the next text, and good luck. I'll be watching at the party.

TK- kiss

I don't have time to focus on what else he said. I see my prize, and I feel my head clear and my heart rate drop.

Once again, TK has saved the day.

Me- thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you

TK- yup. Good luck.

I set my phone down and head out with my team. Virginia Tech is about to go down.

I know my relationship with TK is broken in the back of my head, and I broke it, But he'll never say that to me. That's the kind of guy he is. I really think I have time to fix it all.