"look, sweetums, i know that you're going through a lifelong phase of eternal forever aloneness and you want to spend the rest of your life staring at channing tatum's patootie. i get that. but this guy,"patrick sniffed and patted my head with his hand,"-really likes you. let your guard down for once ken! we all dont want to remember what happened the last time you tried to get some german sausage-"
"no-"
"it turned out to be french pork."
"damn you." i mumbled, rolling off the bed and and reaching for my phone, hoping with everything i had that there would be a text from luke. but there wasnt. i was being selfish, i knew it, but i also knew that luke was way out of my league. and being under the intense stare of patrick all morning was not boosting my confidence.
"wait so how long are your parents going to be gone?"patrick asked from his position underneath my enromous pile of blankets.
"it depends,"i replied, throwing my phone across the room and forcing myself off of the carpet,"mom said the latest is gonna be sunday night. apparently their mutant cat awareness parade is really big this year, she said the turnout was "catstanding."
"what?"
"i dont know. so are you gonna make me order the pizza or are you gonna pick your lazy fried rice ass up and do it yourself?"
"i love it when you're mean to me kenadick." patrick winked and picked up my phone from the floor, earning a nasty glare and a not so polite finger from me.
i waited for patrick to order the pizza with my head buried in a pillow, hoping for heavenly shit that luke would climb courageously up to my window wearing nothing but those tight black jeans and say that he forgived me and that i had not been an asshole the last few times i had seen him. even though i knew it wouldnt happen, there was still an overhwhelming guilty feeling in my gut that all of this had been completely my fault. if i had just refused to help luke that day when he was thirsty for tomatoes, his life would be one hundred percent less crappy, and he wouldnt have to keep up with me and my constant overthinking.
"yes, yes i want pepperoni why the hell would i want anchovies on my pizza who do you think i am? an exotic hawaiian woman? no sir. i am a united states citizen."patrick continued to ramble on to the employee over the phone will i shoved my fist in my mouth to keep from laughing. (comment anything dirty about this sentence i destroy u)
**
by the end of the night the only productive thing patrick and i had accomplished was scaring off the pizza delivery guy with naked pictures of jared leto and patrick continuing to throw soggy pepperonis at me while i stared unblinkingly at my phone.
"should i text him?"i blurted after patrick had finished off his very important japanese golfer joke. (holy shit i apologize i had to if you know where this is from and u feel me i s2g)
"noooooo kennedy. he was the one who implied that you two "think it out","he waved his hands in the air, and bit off another piece of crust,"wait for him to resume communication."
"jesus god patrick since when do you know so much more than me about men?"
"not quite sure,"patrick's lips went slack,"but uh, maybe i just have a gift for helping the lame ass seventeen year old women of the world."
"no, no, but it's like. it's all my fault, i was the one who goes all batshit crazy whenever he tries to make a move and what guy wouldnt have a problem with that? what guy with feelings for someone wouldnt feel insecure if they didnt want to be participate in the physical stuff?"
