Why. Did. He. Save. Me?

Humanity

Life can be dark and sad you know?  

I didn't.  

I thought it was romance and friendship and happy endings.  

How wrong was I.  

Pretty darn wrong.  

Deluded even.  

Not again though, I've learnt a lesson that I won't ever forget, because it wasn't a reined back lesson. It's not like when you steal a sibling's toy and get told off, it's more like stealing from a bank and getting put in prison for years.It's the lesson that you're parents hope you never have to go through. They give you a safe version, and hope it's enough to keep you from the dangerous version.  

But sometimes it's not.You can't always trust people, and you can't always trust yourself. So don't rely on anything.  

Because. You. Can't. 

I did. But that was stupid. And I will always hate myself for it. And hate them. And hate people. I don't like people. They're fake. You think they're telling the truth to you but they're not. You can't trust them. They're not to be trusted. We are humans, so our instinct is to survive. Even if it means sacrificing others. Yes, taking another's life. No, I didn't, but they did. And they took mine too. How can I be writing this then? Because although I have no life, it does not mean that I am dead. It means my life is meaningless. Useless. Unwanted. A waste. An inconvenience. Pointless. 

My. Life. Is. Dead. 

I am not dead, but my life is. I can never return to the rainbows and sunshine. I can't face another day with people's fake caring expressions, their lies, their constant undermining of others.  

And. Still. They. Smile. 

They know the whole time they are backstabbing. They are trying to get ahead in the race. That's why it's called the human race. It's the race we are running simply because of the nature of our species. The race to succeed. To be strong. To get our territory. To find a mate. To reproduce. For our genes to be passed on. 

So. We. Can. Dominate. 

That's what it's about - surviving, but in a way that others cannot. If we dominate we leave no room for the rest. We succeed. We win the race. 

It happens everywhere. In our jobs. In our relationships. In hobbies. In sport. We want to destroy the opposition. It reminds me of a story about two rowing teams I was once told about. The teams were terrible rivals. The top of their sport at the time. They had a big race coming up. The blue team were not allowed to speak to the red team. They were not allowed to even know the names of the members of the red team. They were just the red team. They dehumanised their opposition so they had no reason not to want to destroy and conquer the opposition.  

Only they probably didn't have to go that far. Because it is our nature to destroy the opposition. 

But then, 

Why. Did. He. Save. Me?