Colorless

Lily

I slowly closed the back door before taking my shoes off. I tiptoed my way through the kitchen and into the living room.  Just as my foot hit the first step to go upstairs I heard the sound of a lighter being lit.

"Where you been at, Lily?"

I turned to see my father sitting on the couch, taking a small puff from the cigarette. I froze.

"Um- I was-"

"I know damn well you ain't been at no Sally Mae house neither."

I swallowed and started fidgeting with the side of my dress, "I-I was just out. Getting some fresh air."

He rolled his eyes, "I ain't dumb. I know what you was doing. I just wanna know with who? That boy down the street? Huh?"

"No! Daddy- I-I-"

"Shut up! You know me and yo' mama ain't raise no whore. And what you out here doing? Sleeping around!" He stood up, took a swig of the beer he was drinking and undid his belt.  Tears started welling in my eyes as I knew what was about to happen. My eyes darting between him and the front door.

"You had me up until the crack of dawn waiting on your little fast ass! When I'm done with you, I'm going down to that nigga house and beating his ass too." He took one last draw of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stepped on it. He took a step towards me and before I knew it I made a run for the front door.

But I was too slow. He caught me by my arm and started to strike me with his fist. I screamed out in pain and tried to wiggle myself out of his grasp.

"Rain! Rain!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. My father chuckled.

"He left. He can't help you today." He grabbed his belt and began to whip me with it. I thrashed around on the ground, trying to dodge each hit, but ultimately failed. I eventually gave up trying to stop the hits and succumbed to the stinging of the leather belt. My moving and crying only made him hit me harder.

That torture must have gone on for a good ten minutes before he tired himself out. I lay there limp and in excruciating pain. He stood over me for a moment and shook his head.

"Get your ass up and go in there and make some breakfast." He muttered before walking over me and up the stairs. I cringed as he slammed his bedroom door shut.

I cried silently and tried to push myself up, but couldn't get myself to move.

"Lily?"

I barely managed to open my eyes to my baby sister walking slowly over to me from the stairs.

"Go back upstairs, Rose." I whispered. Her sad eyes stared at me. She reached out to cup my cheek.

"I'm okay. Just go upstairs, okay?" she nodded slowly and eased her way back up the stairs quietly. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and forced myself up. I stumbled into the kitchen and began preparing breakfast.

***

After we all finished eating, I slowly eased myself out of my chair and began collecting the plates and silverware. My father stayed at the table and stared me down. His eyes watching my every move. Almost daring me to meet his gaze. I knew not to make direct eye contact with him or else he'd find a reason to start hitting me again. I hovered over the kitchen sink, preparing the water to wash the dishes.

Where was rain?

I couldn't seem to stop my mind from thinking that. Did my father kick him out?

"Can I  go play outside?" Rose asked snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked down at her as she tugged on the side of my dress. I gave her a small nod and returned my attention to the dishes. My entire body ached and the only thing I wanted to do was lay down, but I knew if I even faltered a little, my father would attack me again.