Lightpaw gazed at her paws awkwardly, hanging her head. Today her kits: Flickerkit, Frostkit, and Petalkit- that she'd grown to adore- would be named apprentices alongside her. And for her; it wouldn't be her first time undergoing such a ceremony. Her affliction was something constantly rubbed in her face. She'd received much chastenment over the past few moons.
Her kits had refused her offer to groom and compose them before their ceremony, only throwing rebukes. Although Lightpaw understood their humiliation, everytime her mind would wander to the unpleasant memory, pain as strong as an eagle's jaw and a nettle's sting would slice through her heart.
Moons ago, she'd moved into the nursery prematurely, expecting Cloudslash's kits while numerous sunrises still remained between her and her warrior name. Her former mentor, Blacksong, had shot her one gaze of fury before stalking off, never sparing her even a second glance.
Cloudslash had demanded that she keep their forbidden exploits a secret, claiming that he didn't want to be perceived as catbile (the warrior version of p3doph!le) even though she insisted that she'd make her consent as clear as a the water that streamed through creeks. The clan continued to be oblivious of who her true father was
When her kits had learned the enormity of the fact that her name still ended in a 'paw and that their fate was to train alongside her, they'd instantly disdained her despite how she'd been their gateway to the living world. Her training was even interrupted to give them life.
She'd managed to successfully shroud the truth from her kits for a pawful of sunrises before they were weaned, so they'd still suckled at her flanks in their early days. The memory only caused them more revlusion. They were caught spitting and grinding their teeth on dirt every now and then. It had almost become a perfunctory ritual of theirs, purifying their mother from their existence even though it wouldn't have come to be without her.
Part of Lightpaw wished the ingrates didn't exist if they chose not to love her, as she wouldn't have lost her friends and her future mate if it weren't for them. She'd given up so much for them, and they didn't cherish it.
Even Blossomwing and Cinnamondapple, the medicine cats who had always highly regarded her keenness to learn, had approached her with evident wariness- that even manifested in their once sagacious eyes- as she lied in the nursery with rounded flanks and flailing paws during her expecting days.
Fortunately, Lightpaw wasn't enabled much leisure time to dawdle over her misfortunes as Rainstar's commanding voice emanated from his throat, jarring her back into the present. When the ceremony was concluded, her three kits had departed with their glamorous names elegantly topped with a 'paw like a cherry sat on a stone. Vociferous applause reverberated around the clearing as all the assembled cats cheered the new names.
Except Lightpaw was painfully aware of how her name wasn't included in the commendation. Two of her former friend's had been assigned as her kit's mentors. Lucky little Frostpaw was placed at the disposal of Dandelionstorm's wisdom and Petalpaw was granted Stormydusk's formidable fighting and sustainable hunting. Poolshadow, the astute and talented tracker- had been Flickerpaw's appointed mentor.
But to Lightpaw's dismay, Cloudslash was nominated as her second mentor. From her peripheral vision, Lightpaw witnessed Cloudslash stiffen. Eyes widened, the tom opened his jaws to protest, causing the dejected apprentice to wince. However, the tom's mouth seemed to linger, hanging agape for a time that stretched from the mountains that fringed one side of the clan's territory to the sundrown place parallel to it.
The mentor seemed to acknowledge that he couldn't risk arousing suspicion, so he kept his mouth shut, grimacing. Except the loathing was evident in his gaze. He clearly hoped Rainstar's choice was only a coincidence. Lightpaw longed to drag his impregnable reputation down with her by dubbing him as father, but her timid jaws kept shut.
Lightpaw's spirits plummeted to the bottom of the deepest gorge to exist as she tried to envisage her imminent days with Cloudslash. She was certain the tom would make her suffer for causing him to live in a debilitating fear for his secret, jumping at every rustle in the fronds.
Although Lightpaw was rooted on the spot, she acknowledged the fact that she needed to play along. With as much swag as she could foster, Lightpaw padded out into the clearing, stalking towards Cloudslash in a stilted but cool manner that was excruciating but not to the extent her secret would unconceal itself.
She knew she had no other choice. Her kits were eagerly assembled by their mentors by that point. Lightpaw was the same size as them, but still lagging behind as her disused limbs had been confined to the nursery. Cloudslash, when intent and erect, loomed about two-ears over her. The two exchanged the classic shoulder resting and licking as quickly as possible.
Alderlark- the Skyclan's dedicated deputy- then scurried over, saving her from her scrutiny. Serendipitously, clouds were beginning to loom over the camp, amassing a daunting color that promised showers. The new apprentices were spared from exploring the territory, much to every cat's consternation except for Lightpaw- who was hopeless enough to seek solace in an event she'd originally despised.
Exploration was postponed for the next sunhigh. However, enough daylight was left for them to gather and share tongues. Lightpaw longed to curl up in her nest in the apprentice's den and disappear. However, she knew she had important errands to run. It was basically dogma, the fact that the longer she dawdled the more she'd potentially hurt.
Indeed her relief was proven to be short lived. After a few heartbeats passed, she tentatively approached her former friends, preparing to immerse in the games they once relished together. But to her chagrin- although not to her bewilderment- Stormydusk, Dandelionstorm, Splashingleaf, and Pansystrike- who had begun to chatter over their apprentice's plumy heads in the drizzle- didn't waste a split second to avert their gaze.
Splashingleaf subconsciously lashed his tail, and although it didn't even connect with Lightpaw's fur, she felt a pang grapple with her tormented heart. Her kits hadn't hesitated to follow suit. Lightpaw even got the impression that they'd lead the aversion, as if she reeked as unpleasantly as a fetid slate of mouse bile.
Lightpaw was crestfallen. She'd lost her kits, the one cat she was fond of, and even her friend's who were supposed to be the light at the end of her tunnel. Then she'd be expected to wait for her own nomination. The she-cat began to feel like the opposite of her own name, which was supposed to have any suffix other than 'paw- and of course 'kit.
The other apprentice's: Mousepaw, Silverpaw, and Gravelpaw, were practically guaranteed to avoid her, deeming her as the worst role-model to exist. Lightpaw made a last feeble attempt to approach Flowerwish, her other original companion, only to halt in her tracks as she witnessed the she-cat happily interacting with Blacksong, emotion glistening in her gaze.
The act would've pierced her heart alone, but the chosen tom being Blacksong of all cats was enough to enhance her agony. With that tom lambasting her behind her back, the she-cat was bound to disregard her like every other cat. Lightpaw didn't know whether to continue or capitulate to her defeat, even if that was the last thing she wanted to do although continuing would only unleash a snowball effect.
