When it hurts (ongoing)

Chapter one

"He's dead"
She says it with finality- like it's a discussion that should already be in the past. Buried and forgotten - like he was.
She says it like I should be over it by now.
I watch her scrubbing the dishes- her back to me. When words don't come to mind I throw my belongings into my school bag and swing it over my shoulder.
I walk to the door, pausing when my hand skim's the round, silver handle "it would break his heart to see how little you care".
My mothers shoulders tense as the door slams shut behind me. On the 25th of September 2015 my brother - Issac nelson- walked to the edge of the city's bridge and Jumped off.
He drowned in the water below.
I alone have spent the days following his death suffering through the pain his suicide left behind.
No one else cares.
I walk to school, his space beside me abandoned. It's a Monday, the 12th, the first day of senior year. When the news first came out I received an overbearing amount of sympathy. Flowers, chocolates, cards, that lasted approximately 3 weeks before my brothers suicide was made a mockery of. Kids that used to bully him used it as an excuse to stay off school, I was soon referred to as "the girl who's brother killed himself". I started to avoid school, distance myself from the constant reminder that I am now an only child.
That I am now completely alone.
My face is often hidden in books that allow me to escape the life i so suddenly fell victim too. My footsteps increase when i see the familiar coffee shop I stop at every morning. The bell above the automatic door rings as it opens for me. My footsteps descend towards the counter, capturing the attention of the employee who I've recently befriended- Claire. She greets me with a welcoming smile "Your usual?" It's more of a rhetorical question but I still answer.
"Yes please" I smile for the first time this morning, handing my money over and stepping to the side to wait for my coffee. Faint whispers bounce off the walls, I reluctantly turn my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face as I peek towards the noise. Three middle aged women are cradled together in a small group, looking between them and whispering sentences I can't make out fully.
"Killed himself-"
"Young boy-"
"Bridge-"
"Nora"
My head snaps straight at the call of my name, although it's not the older women who say it, it's Claire, slouched against the counter with my coffee in her hands. I walk towards her, wondering how long she was trying to get my attention. She slides the coffee across the counter, when i meet her eyes there is obvious concern there but she doesn't voice it.
"Thank you" i mutter, picking up my coffee and letting it warm my hands. I pivot on my heel and speed walk out the door. When I'm outside i exhale and check my watch. As if on queue a black jeep stops directly in front of me.
"Hey loser" her voice reaches my ears before I see her, footsteps against gravel are all my senses pick up on before I see her walking around the front of the engine. She embraces me in a warm hug.
When she pulls back, she places two firm hands on my shoulders "you okay?" She asks, staring at me with understanding. She knows it's the first school year ill be going into without Issac.
"Yes" I smile at her "I'm fine".
Jessica Davis has been my best friend since the first day we stepped into nursery together, our arms linked at our sides. She has been one of the only people in my life to stick by me through the last couple of years- she's more like a sister than a best friend. Jess is like a door out of the dark places my mind takes me. We both do dance together and share fairly similar interests, although we are polar opposites in appearance, Jess having long blonde hair with blue eyes and me having dark, brown, long hair that reaches my hips and dark brown eyes. Except for those feature differences our personalities are pretty similar. The back door to jess's jeep bursts open, looking behind her I see Samuel stumbling out of the backseat. Samuel Jenson is another one of my best friends. We met through sport, me doing dance and him doing basketball. He is on the basketball team at school, fairly popular - especially among the ladies. With his dirty blonde hair and green eyes he gets more attention than he could possibly need.
He smiles at me and begins cautiously moving towards me "if it isn't my favourite midget".
I take a couple of steps back, but it does little to help me, because before I know it I'm in the air, over Samuels shoulder. When Samuel begins to spin around it forces a laugh out of me.
I kick my legs around helplessly, hoping one will hit him in the chest "your going to make me spill my coffee" I protest.
"Samuel put her down" Jess demands, rapidly poking him on the chest with her finger "you do this every morning, it's getting old".
Samuel lowers me to the ground, ruffling my hair with his right hand "lighten up Jess" he says "we've still got ages before school starts".
"15 minutes actually" Jess corrects him, throwing her phone in his face "so either get in or I'll leave you here".

***
I'm walking down the narrow corridors, having been dismissed early from class the hallways are completely abandoned- except for the small group of girls walking towards me. Their whispers continue to repeat until they reach me, one girl bumps into me with such strong force it sends me crashing into the lockers and falling to the ground- my bag goes skidding across the floor. The girls laugh to themselves, watching me for several seconds before becoming bored and strutting away, pleased with themselves. A heavy object falls from above the lockers before I can stand- landing directly on top of my head.
"Ouch" I rub my head, trying to soothe the ache there. I lean forward, reaching for the object that hit me only to see it's a phone - well a now broken phone. I stand quickly, my headache now the least of my worries. I analyse the shattered screen, pressing the on button to see if it's still responsive. The phone shines brightly in my face, I turn the brightness down, relieved it's repairable. However, the relief I'm feeling quickly vanishes as I see the notifications displayed on the shattered phone screen, the realisation of who's phone I'm holding slowly registering in my mind.

Instagram: Hey Austin, you coming to the basketball game tonight?
Instagram: Rivers, let me know what time the game is tonight.
Instagram: Hey Austin, what's your snapchat?

My eyes travel down the endless notifications, guys asking about basketball games and girls begging for a chance. Out of all the people who's phone I could be holding, I'm holding his. My heartbeat drums in my chest, my breathing increasing. I just broke the biggest assholes phone in the entire school.
Austin rivers.
Austin rivers is a popular, well respected basketball player, the captain of the team actually. From what I've heard, Austin is arrogant, selfish and rude. Not the kind of guy you can approach and say "hey Austin! I broke your phone".
I look down at his shattered phone resting in the palm of my hand.
Damn it!