Liana's Ship (#ONC 2021)

6. Liana: Human, Remains

Finally, I'd got an answer, "You named the ship Thera? It's a nice name."

"No, she named herself Thera and she is female. I read that humans give their ships female pronouns even though they don't have reproductive parts and you say we're strange!" The red tuber pet looked up and climbed on her back. "Mind you, it must be that yellow sun of yours, it must be so bright being under it. I hear all your plants are green too, how very odd." she pulled some brown substance out of her desk drawer and fed it to the tuber.

"I wouldn't feed them, they ate my chocolate I got from home." I said when the tuber ran it's tendrils through her hair. "If that is that a Tshkan tuber?"

"It is," she didn't look up and tapped away, "the blues are the pests, the red ones clean up food leftovers in the eating rooms. Saves Thera time digesting the waste. She can concentrate on other matters. They have been bred for this use, they don't form seeds. The blues are a problem though." She tapped at her tablet, making a hmm sound before she said, "It says here you didn't get a tour of the ship or basic orientation."

"I didn't get anything, other than mealtimes. I was a last minute addition, I was told."

"Yes shame that," she said, still tapping, "it says here the woman you replaced got back together with her fiancé. It takes us a while to replace someone, they have to meet the criteria."

"I have the feeling that it's being female and single." I added, with more than a little sarcasm in my voice.

"Yes, but you are on the upper age limit of eligibility I see. We have had to lower our standards to increase our chances of success."

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special. Next you'll be selling me support stockings and incontinence pads."

"I'm sorry?" She raised an eyebrow. I noted they were fringed with tiny green leaves. Actually there were leaves all over her hair. I was rather impressed, you had to get up early to get a hairstyle like that. I wondered if they had hairdressers? No, that probably involved some sort of plant. One that covered my head like a facehugger. Who knew how much I'd annoyed Thera today? I could end up with a buzz cut or bright orange hair. I'd wait until I got back.

"Never mind," I sighed, putting the plant salon out of my head, "look, I think there's been a mix up. I was under the impression that I was here for a job. If there's no work here then I'd like to request a lift home, where the chairs don't try to attack me for hurting their feelings."

"No can do," she said, "Says on the communicator no flights for one of your earth months."

This woman was vaguer than a government announcement. "A month!" I cried, trying not to let my chin wobble, "so I'm stuck here until then?"

"Unfortunately yes," She tapped on her screen, "flights cost a substantial amount of energy for Thera. A month is about when she'll get enough power for a sizable ship, so my suggestion is to make the most of the time here until then."

Disappointment flooded through my veins. One whole month of messing around in a ship that didn't want me there and the feeling was mutual. "Great," I answered after a pause that felt longer than it was, "what should I do until then?" A thought crossed my mind, "there isn't work or training here for me here is there?"

"Most are relieved when they find out." She beamed, "once you get used to the way things are here you might be too."

"Sentient plant life is difficult for us to get round." I said, I felt like wringing the woman around the neck but she had a direct line to the ship. I could only see one outcome and I had already had a taster of Thera's fury.

"So Thera says," the woman said, "mind you, if I grew up in a world with machines that used extinct animals as fuel I might too." She smiled at me as she read some flashing words on her tablet screen, "well look at that! you're in luck, a placement has come up in maintenance and you may just fit the basic requirements.

"Maintenance?" I said confused, "I can barely operate a washing machine!"

"Maintenance here is more like gardening. Living plants, remember? It will be only for a month, which will take you until the flight I believe?"

Yes. I could do it. I breathed a sigh of relief. One month of hell and then I was off the space carrot. It would be nothing but a distant memory. I'd worked in worse placements, remembering the promotional work I did at university. Ugh, just thinking of the perverts I fended off wearing a bunny girl costume. Look, don't ask, the money wasn't even good. I got charged for damaging the moth eaten costume. My hips just didn't want to be contained in that skimpy leotard. I blamed the employers, they should stop having delusions about the ideal womanly figure.

"Well, I'd like to work," I agreed, "look I'll do it. Just don't set me up with anyone."

"Oh I can't guarantee that," she held up her tablet and tapped the screen. A contract with the small print and my signature. "While you are on this ship, you have agreed to the terms. But on the bright side, interest may not be made. You report to Dr Zan in two earth rotations, do you understand?"

I nodded. I would have to try and be unappealing, it really wouldn't be that difficult. A few insults, some bad habits and bang! Back home with enough money to tell my tale of woe in the pub.

"I'll be in contact with you soon since I've unwittingly burdened myself as the liaison officer. If You have any problems just call Betalaina, anywhere will do, Thera will pick the vibrations up. It's how she hears physical speech, though there are other ways to communicate with her."

"Betalaina?" That was her name? "I thought I was waiting to see the manager!" I said.

"Yes, sorry about the trickery," Betalaina said, "Thera told me to let you wait."

"And if Thera told you to drink poison?" I unleashed my sarcasm monster.

"She wouldn't," she laughed, "but I'd leave now before you drop yourself in deep excrement." her voice lowered, the jovial tone gone "meaning I'll send you to waste disposal instead. Got it?"

I left before I said something I regretted. I have had enough regrets lately.