Liana's Ship (#ONC 2021)

14. Betalaina: Being

I could not recall the moment I became a separate entity from Thera. It was a gradual process, a sudden realisation. I knew I was once a vessel budded from a Xera Bioship, her eyes, ears and voice. Able to go where my Mother couldn't. Then I formed independent thoughts, feelings and desires. I was free to choose, I could either stay with my mother or form my own path. Until the day I wouldn’t. This appeared to be coming sooner than I thought.

At the time, I concentrated on saving my Mother, slowly preparing for a life without her. I was close to mastering survival under Earth's harsh yellow sun. I have changed my head foliage from the reds of the homeland to the green of Earth, thanks to the curious red fruited Earth plants my Mother grew. Their songs are limited to chemical signals but are melodious in their own right. Being a separate entity had its price though, I no longer understood my Mother's songs, she was able to hide her dire straits from me.

I stood in front of Doctor Zan and the human female, unconscious in the medical tube to try to explain why. 

But I had no answers.

********

"You," Zan said, in an emotion I recognized as anger, "nearly three rotations hiding and now you finally show yourself."

"I didn't hear Thera," it was the truth, "I had no idea she was there." I made a gesture towards the tube.

"Well, she was and she nearly died!" He said, voice raised, I had not soothed his anger.

"Why should you care?" I said, "just another nuisance human thinking they were going to be mated to a Xeran, you said."

"She just wanted to work, like me.” he said, a sadness in his tone, I knew that emotion, “Not sit around and wait to die."

"Are you sure you're talking about her?" I could read a being beyond the words they were saying now. Sentience was difficult, more than walking and talking. I had to learn more in my two cycles of being than a youngling did in the same time. How did their minds not ache with information? I looked at the sleeping human being, so peaceful and unaware. Maybe she was lucky.

She stirred in her sleep, the red and gold keratin growth moved. “Hair, Beta.” Thera reminded me. I couldn’t hear her songs but she could still speak. It wouldn't be long before Liana woke. The antitoxin had worked, a small mercy.

"What should we tell her everything when she regains consciousness?" I said, Zan was placing his hands on the tube, his fingers tapping the buttons on the screen. There would be a beep and more letters would display. It was rather superfluous but the screen offered reassurance to humans. It was similar to medical equipment back on Earth.

Not that we'd actually had any humans in the medical bay. None had stayed long enough.

I repeated the question I had asked adding, "are we going to tell her the truth? Zanthric?"

"I don't know," his voice was barely a whisper, "I have been thinking the same question."

"The programme would end in failure."

"It's failed anyway," I tried to reassure him, "no visitor has shown any pilot ability and we never had anything other than a few trades from Earth. It would be no loss."

"No loss to them, Betalaina," he said, "we'd still have a dire situation on our hands. Tell Thera to grow the ship to send Liana home. She has enough to make a small ship."

No, not like this, he couldn't give up. "You haven't opened the pods, there's still hope!"

"I cannot open a pod by myself and chemical experiments have failed."

"But there are lots left!"

He shook his head and got up. Walking over to a panel he typed in a code. Out of the panel he lifted out two round pods. So familiar to me yet I had never seen one. It must have been a collective memory I had back when I was part of Thera.

I remembered the exact moment I, as she had formed them and how it happened. She was the last to do so this way, that we knew of. Some wildships had escaped before the cloning, but that was thought by many to be a rumour. Rumours wouldn’t save our race. This was the only hope we had and it was fading.

 Unsure of what to do in this situation, I placed my hand on Zan's shoulder. I had heard this was the best way to comfort a distressed being, "It isn't your fault we're dying, Zanthric.” I said.

"Don't," he pushed my hand away. "My great grandfather started it, my family grew wealthy on it. By the light of the red sun, I used to clone them myself! I am every bit to blame for the extinction of your species." He held up the pods, "I dare not leave these two out of my sight."

What happened to the others? We had hundreds at the beginning of the mission. I believed there were nearly one hundred left. "What happened? I asked.

"The rot happened,” he replied, “I went to the store four rotations ago and found them all rotten and black. I detoxed and cleaned these, tests show they are undamaged and still viable. They need to be watched day and night."

"I see," my head hung low, water filled my eyes and leaked out. I must have been doing that crying I heard humans and Xerans do when sad. 

I'm crying for the first time in my life, I realised. If I hadn’t been upset from our fate, I would have jumped for joy. My eyes felt hot, it was like the water was liquid sadness and displayed what I felt physically. I needed to stop the tears falling before the need to root became urgent. 

I rubbed the falling tears and tried to make them stop.

Zan took me in his arms and held me. Tried to Sooth away my sadness. It hadn't worked. I must admit, It felt good as I held him. So this must be what a hug feels like, I thought at the time.

Tears and hugging. I had experienced both in a short space of time. I wanted more.

I wasn't ready to die yet. By the red sun I Wouldn't give up.

"Look I'm happy to make the orders for a ship to send the human back to Earth," I said, "but I'm sure as fuck not going to stand back and let you throw it all away." I had heard humans say that curse word, another first. I saw the appeal of the short, harsh sounding word. We both unclasped and turned around at the same time. A sound was coming from the tube.

"I'm not leaving." Said a groggy voice from the tube. Zan and I had the same horrified look on our faces.

How much had she heard just then?