Oopsie Birdie - Marauders Era

"This is a stupid idea."

         "What now?" Sirius asks, gesturing towards the outcold girl on James' bed.

"We tell McGonagall." Remus responds, beginning to walk towards the door, only to be stopped by James.

"No! We'll get in huge trouble." He insists, standing in front of Remus like a barricade.

"We just turned a bird into a girl! I think this is more important than getting detention." He tries to side step him, but James copies him.

"Exactly! We turned her in a human. We won't get detention, we'll be expelled."

That makes Remus stop. He rubs his face with a stressed frown. "Then what are we supposed to do? We don't even know how we turned her into a human, never mind how to change her back."

"Um..." James pauses. "We'll..."

"Teach her." Sirius finishes slowly.

"What?" Remus, James, and Peter question in unison.

Sirius shrugs with a hesitant look. He's really just going with it. "We'll teach her how to be human?" His suggestion sounds more like a question.

James tries to help him. "Yeah. We'll teach her how to talk and walk."

Remus blinks at his stupid friends. "Then what? We bring her to McGonagall and say she was lost?"

Sirius bites his lip and makes a face. "Yeahhh." He drawls.

"What?" Peter questions this time.

"We'll say that we found her in the forest and that she-" He thinks for a moment. "-has memory loss?"

Remus blinks. "This is a stupid idea."

James goes to reply, but freezes when there's a knock on the door. Sirius immediately jumps at the door, using all of his body weight to keep it closed. "Hello?"  Sirius asks, throwing the boys a panicked look.

"Is everything alright?" The voice is feminine and James recognizes it as Lily Evans'.

"We're great!" Sirius yells through the door.

"I was just checking cause I could hear you from the common room..."

James whispers lowly. "We got to let her in."

"What? Why?" Peter asks softly.

"Well, she's naked and we're not girls. We need Lily's help." James tries to reason.

Lily knocks on the door again. "Can I come in?"

Sirius whispers harshly. "She'll tell."

James runs a hand through his hair. "I trust her."

"If she tells, we're fucked." Sirius responds before opening the door.

Lily walks in with a hesitant smile. "What are you guys doing?"

"Lily, we need your help." James doesn't waste time.

The redhead raises an eyebrow. "What do you need my help with?"

"Um..." 

Sirius closes the door quickly before answering. "We somehow managed to turn a bird into a human girl."

Lily laughs, but calms down when she sees their faces. "You're kidding." They don't show any humor, making Lily give them a disbelieving look. "You turned a bird-" She says it slowly, trying to sink it in. "-into a girl."

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose. "We're so expelled."

Lily shakes her head with disbelief. "How do you even manage that?" James goes to answer, but Lily cuts him off. "Where is the bird? Or the girl? Whatever they are."

They all point at the tanned girl on the bed and Lily stares speechless. James starts talking as Lily gawks. "Please don't tell on us. We'll be expelled and I know you say that you hate me, but we really need your help."

She sighs, finally pulling herself together. "I don't hate you, but I have to tell McGonagall. This is insane!"

James grabs her shoulders desperately and looks in her eyes, pleading. "Please, Lily. I need your help."

She sighs, closing her eyes. "Fine." They all let out relieved sounds. "What do you need me to do?"

"Well, she's naked." Sirius tells her.

"What?"

"Yeah. We need you to dress her." James finishes.

Lily nods after a moment. "Okay. I'll be back with a change of clothes."

James grabs her arm before she can leave. "Thank you." He murmurs gratefully.

She gives him a small smile. "This is the stupidest and most impressive thing I think you've ever done."

He grins at her.

"Mostly stupid."

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