Already Gone

16

dream

The song neared an end, leaving me to feel empty.

Everything I had been feeling, had been pushed out of me, I had truly let it all out. 

I didn't exactly feel satisfied, but at least I knew what had to be done. I couldn't let myself hurt him anymore.

"Dream?" A small voice broke my train of thought.

"George? How long have you been here?" I asked, panicking slightly at the idea of him hearing me letting everything out.

"What the hell was that?" He didn't sound angry, he didn't sound upset, he sounded genuinely confused.

For a second I felt like spilling, letting my emotions pour out and drain into him, pleading for his comfort that I yearned for. But my sense got the better of me luckily, and I put the cap on the bottle before I couldn't stop myself.

"George you weren't supposed to hear that. I was just singing to myself whilst... um - speedrunning!" I sounded a little too much like I had just guessed the answer to a question.

"No Dream. It's my turn. What was that? You were crying!" I couldn't read what he was feeling through his voice.

"Don't be stupid, no I wasn't." Although I had roughened up my voice to try and conceal the fact that I had been sobbing, I reckoned that George could tell. He knew me too well. 

I thought I was going to have to cave in, to tell him what I was feeling, but to my surprise, I didn't.

"Alright, if you say so." 

I didn't understand. Why would he just let it go so easily? It wasn't what I had expected, but it made sense. 

I was constantly badgering him to open up, asking him to talk to me, and he didn't like that. He wasn't going to plague me with the same feeling. 

I knew he was trying to do the right thing, to be considerate, but the truth was, I didn't want that.

I needed that extra push to let it out, I needed to be reassured that it was okay for me to talk about my feelings and that he did still care. 

But that's not George. 

"What have you been up to?" I asked after a few moments of silence. The subject needed to be changed.

"Played some games." He was being vague. "And listening to you, I guess."

My heart panged a little. My breakdown wasn't meant for his ears.

"Cool. So, do you wanna do something or-"

"I want to see your face, Dream." George cut me off.

Although he had asked me before, it was unusual for him to do so. His question took me by surprise, especially by the rawness of the previous situation.

He did deserve to see me, I mean he was my partner, my boyfriend, my best friend. 

After knowing each other for years, I still felt uncomfortable with showing my face.

That was when I realized, if it didn't feel right now, then it never would. if I kept putting off letting him see my face, then it would only create a buildup of fear. An unnecessary buildup.

Yes, things could have backfired. He could see my face and not like it, break up with me because he didn't find me attractive, and blame it on something else. 

He could screenshot it and post my face everywhere, and mock me for trusting him.

Or he could accept my face, take screenshots to savour the moment, but then accidentally leak my face, making him feel guilty.

But the idea that I could grant George some temporary happiness overrode those thoughts. I missed that smile.

With that, I left the Discord and pulled out my phone. The fanart I had seen earlier was what I unlocked it to, but I quickly refreshed the page and went to FaceTime.

Immediately I called George, not hesitating. He picked up.

"Dream?" His eyebrows were the lowest part of his face that I could see, but they were screwed together tightly. I wondered if he had cried with me.

It then dawned upon me how casual it seemed I was treating this. Looking up at the small rectangular box in the corner of my screen, I saw myself.

My hair was scruffy, pointing in each direction imaginable. My eyes were drooping, more so than usual. George wasn't able to see my patchy red pace properly, because of the pink RGB lights I had around my PC. They concealed that parts that really didn't need to be seen. 

I wore no particular expression, if anything, I looked bored. But I decided that it made me look confident, so I didn't change anything and moved on.

"Can you come with me to get food? I've been hungry for a little while but you know, I got caught up." I casually asked, not wanting to make a big deal about revealing myself to George and trying to conceal my internal panic.

After a few moments of silence, he hummed. By the time I reached the stairs, he responded.

"You're very pretty Dream," George said, not what I was expecting, but at least it was positive. 

"Why thank you, George, so are you." I could feel myself blush, and realized that now that I was out of my pink lighting, he would probably be able to see. "You're making me blush!"

"I know. I can tell by your voice." His voice, however, was still unreadable.

"Know me that well, huh?" 

Everything I had previously told myself about staying away from George left me. I knew it was impossible for me to keep away from him - I loved him.

But what I could still do was keep my emotions away. Not just from him, but from everyone, including myself. After tonight, I had let out my fair share, and now I would be happy.

Happy. Happy for me, happy for George, happy for everyone. And that would make things better.

But it didn't.

I glanced back down at my phone to see that George's eyebrows weren't there anymore, and neither was he.

Maybe he didn't think I was as pretty as he said. 

Hurridly, I pushed that thought away and reminded myself that a mindset like that wouldn't grant good to anyone.

I shoved it down, into the bottle so tight that it wouldn't reenter my mind, even if it tried. But the bottle was made of glass, and even though the thought didn't try to escape, it stared at me, mocked me from its place until I couldn't bear it much longer. 

Something about the bottle sickened me, it made me lose my appetite. I turned on my heels and headed for my room, discarding the bottle on the floor.

I had to do something.

Word Count: 1136

Well, guys, that's chapter 16. I reckon it'll end around 20 chapters. Thank you for 75 reads!

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