My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 2 - The Return

A few days later, I was sitting on a stool behind the counter, scrolling through all the photos my two best friends kept posting from their fabulous new lives at college. I considered doing the college thing. Mostly, as an excuse to take the plunge and actually leave home. But I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. It seemed frivolous to spend tens of thousands of dollars just for the sake of leaving, only to contemplate the same questions in a nicer place.

When the door chimed, I glanced over. I did a double take upon realizing that it was him. I'd waited rather impatiently for a chance to talk to him again, imagining dozens of potential conversations we might have and how they would go.

"Back again?" I asked.

He nodded. "Where are your allergy meds?"

That was not something I imagined him saying. It threw me off for a second.

I opened my mouth to tell him it was on aisle three. We only had six aisles, so he could've found it easily. But a better idea occurred to me before I spoke. "I'll show you."

I circled around the counter and led him there. "Anything you need in particular? Daytime, nighttime, extra-strength." I pointed them each out.

"You changed your nails."

I held my hand out to examine my lilac-tipped fingers. "Yeah. I do that a lot."

Honestly, I changed them because Mom took a photo of us with our matching nails and posted it to Facebook with the caption: Me and Stevie twinning it up. #Twinsies.

"I like it. But if you're looking for inspiration for your next change up, I think you'd look good in silver. It would really make your beautiful blue eyes stand out." He shrugged. "Also, it's my favorite color."

"Um, okay." I didn't know how else to respond to that. I looked back at the shelves, refocusing on our search, ignoring the intense fluttering in my stomach. "So, any idea what you might want?"

"I just need something to help me deal with dust," he said. "I'm cleaning out my grandpa's house; I swear no one has cleaned it in like a decade."

"Is he moving?"

He made a strange face. "He died."

I shut my eyes for a moment to let the mortification of my stupidity sink in. "I'm so sorry."

He dismissed my condolences with a wave. "Don't be. I never met him. I'm just doing this as a favor to my mom."

I looked over the medications and picked one out for him, since he didn't seem to have an opinion. "This is probably your best bet. It's also non-drowsy."

I held the box out to him. When he reached out to take it, his sleeve rode up to reveal the tattoo I'd noted the other day. I pointed to it and said, "That's cool."

He rubbed his fingers across the mark. "That was my first one." His eyes lifted from his wrist to meet mine. "Do you know what it means?" He sounded curious, but also maybe intrigued.

"Uh, yeah. I-I do." I started to second-guess myself. What if it had another meaning that I didn't know about? Would he get angry if I said that it was a symbol for being gay? "At least, I think I do."

"It's a symbol for gay love."

I nodded. "That's what I thought it was."

He smiled at me. "My mom actually took me to get it when I turned seventeen, right after I came out. It was kind of a big deal for me at the time." He cleared his throat. "I was trying to be proud of who I was... err, am. It still kind of scared me to death."

"Trust me. I get it." I said. "Coming out is hard. Even though my family is very supportive and loving, I was terrified to tell anyone the truth, on the off chance that they might react badly."

"That feeling really sucks, doesn't it?"

"God, yes! That sickening churning in your stomach, imagining all the worst-case scenarios."

"And the way your heart drops whenever someone even brings up the topic of being gay. Even if it's in no way related to you."

I shivered just thinking about it. "It almost feels like you committed a crime. And you're just waiting for someone to put the clues together. To figure out the truth and call you on it."

"It kinda does." He furrowed his brows and nodded. "I never thought of it like that."

"I'm Steven, by the way."

There was a faint trace of a smile on his lips. "I know."

That shocked me. Did he ask around about me? "How?"

"It's on your name tag." He reached up to tap my chest.

"Right." I nodded, feeling incredibly stupid. "Duh."

"I'm Elian."

Having run out of things to say, I pointed at the antihistamines in his hand. "So, is that it? Or can I help you find anything else?"

He stayed silent for a moment, examining my face. "That's all. For now."

The way he said, "For now," gave me chills. Even the fact that he intended for there to be a later made my heart race.

"Have a nice day then, Elian."

"You, too, Steven."

We shared a smile before he walked away.

I wondered what it would be like to kiss his perfect pink lips. I bet he knew what he was doing. He was probably an amazing kisser. Not that I really had much of anything to compare it to.

"Hey, Steven," Elian said.

I startled at the sound of his voice. I spun to see him peeking around the end of the aisle.

"Yeah?" I asked, a bit too excited.

He held up the box of medicine. "I kinda need to pay for this."

I'd also completely forgotten about that. I chuckled as I scurried toward him. "Right."

He followed me to the register, placing the box down so I could scan it. "I wouldn't want you to have to chase me down and tackle me in the street over a five-dollar box of allergy pills."

I'd gladly tackle him any day, any place, as long as he was up for it.

I decided not to mention that. Instead, I said, "Honestly, even if I'd noticed, I probably would've just let you take them."

I glanced up in time to see his grin fading. "Well, I didn't want you to think I was trying to take advantage of you."

It was a sweet sentiment. I couldn't help but smile.

"Do you need a bag?" I asked.

Elian reached over and placed his hand on top of the box, extending his fingers just enough to graze the side of my hand that rested on the counter. His touch lingered for a moment before he pulled the box toward himself. "Nah. I'm good."

"O-Okay, then." I wasn't sure what else to say. Every part of me felt electrified by even that brief contact. "Um, have a nice day."

"Bye, Steven."

I waved lamely as he walked to the exit, keeping his eyes fixed on me until he pushed through the door.

I collapsed onto the countertop, resting my head on my folded arms. I let out a groan. I should've asked him out. Or at least gave a hint that I wanted him to ask me out. I didn't think there could be a more hopeless, hapless gay flop in the entire state of Arizona.