Drarry Oneshots

△⃒⃘ Letter by Letter △⃒⃘

A/N: gotta love the random bursts of inspiration at 2:43 a.m. :-)
In which Draco pours his heart out into unsent letters
2604 words

Dear Harry,
They say it helps you come to terms with how you feel if you just write your feelings down. I hope they're right, because I'm frankly on the verge of losing my mind. Then again, I'm currently writing a letter that I never have any intention of sending - who's to say I haven't lost it already?

I suppose I can't put off the reason I'm writing much longer. The truth is that I'm in love with you. Hopelessly so. I have been since we were twelve. I hate it, but it's true. To be honest, I think I've gone through all of grief loving you.

First there was denial. All throughout second year I tried to pretend that it wasn't true - pretend that I'm straight, pretend that I couldn't care less about you, your opinions, your friends, and all the rest. But I've never been a particularly good liar.

Then came anger. Sometimes I think it lingers to this day. I was angry at myself for acting the way I did, but I was too scared to stop. I was furious that I had fallen for the one person I could never have. I was so angry whenever I saw you with your never ending love interests - especially with Ginny. Is it selfish of me to want to be in her place every time I see you hold her?

The bargaining came and went quickly, but it was excruciating while it lasted. That's when the poor relationship choices happened - a new party each weekend, leaving with anybody who felt remotely like you, hoping to get over someone that was never mine in the first place. I clung on to the shred of hope that someone who looked like you, talked like you, walked or acted like you would be enough to satisfy the persistent itch that deep down I knew only you could soothe. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful.

Depression. Of course, how could I forget? I'm sure you know the feeling better than most. It's absolutely crushing, to the point where I can't breathe and don't want to anymore, but still my lungs fill and deflate despite my begging them to stop. I cried a lot more than I'd like to admit. I tried to think about it rationally, but being rational never stops the tears from falling or the days from feeling heavier.

I can only hope to reach acceptance soon. I haven't yet. When I see you with her my throat still gets tight and my eyes still threaten to water. But you look happy; I push it down. This too shall pass. Or, I hope it will, anyway.

For now, having you as a friend is better than not having you in my life at all. You've been so much kinder to me since the battle. We talk in school, and I dare to call you my friend; I cannot tell if it makes matters easier or worse. I remember, on the first day back, when you hexed that kid that said I was "two-faced scum" - even though it's true, the gesture was still a sweet one.

You and Ginny Weasley are still together, stronger than ever after the summer. I'm glad you're happy with her. But, with Ginny or without, I still remain here. Silently and hopelessly devoted to you.

Forever yours,
Draco Malfoy

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Dear Harry,
It's been a while since I've done this. Almost a year, to be exact. It helped then, so hopefully it won't fail me now.

I know for certain now that we are friends - good, honest friends. You were there to convince me to contact my parents again, you were there for me to tell you all about how well things went with mum, and you were there to comfort me when things went to shit with father. I came with you to the hospital wing after many a nightmare, I advised you on how to apologise to Ginny after that massive fight, and we got drunk together and talked about life Lord only knows how many times.