Bishop & Torres: a love story.

Forgiving Yourself

hey, guys I just realized I forgot to add this in the last chapter, Laxman survived and escaped before police could get to the scene.

"Hey sweetie, you've been up here for a while," Barbara said to Ellie, who was sitting on her childhood bed, reading something in a sea of clothes. "yeah I got distracted by my diaries from middle school," she said sitting up to face her mom, "you were so different." barbara said. "why didn't you tell me about everything that's happened over the past few months?" barbara asked, Ellie, threw her hands up in frustration and yelled"what, how do you...nick told you didn't he?" she started walking away, "sweetheart wait..." barbara said, she reached her hand out towards Ellie's arm"no, you know what it's fine.", bishop pulled away and continued walking away, she would have followed her, but barbara knew her daughter, she just needed time. 

bishop walked down the stairs towards the dining room where Nick was sitting, "Hey, I just got an ad for the ice cream place in the city, do you want to go later?" nick asked, Ellie, glared at him, grabbed the keys off the dining room table and walked out the door. confused, nick followed her, "Ellie, what's going on?" he asked her, she stopped and turned towards him, "you told my mom about Merriweather?!" she asked, already aware of the answer, "I thought she knew." nick said, "nick, just leave me alone!" she said, and got into nicks care and drive off into town, leaving nick standing alone in the dirt driveway. 

Ellie sat below the bleachers at her old high school, staring at her shoes. it wasn't like Ellie to snap like that, she was always calm, and collected when she was upset, it was a rarity for her to react that way about something like that, but then again it probably wasn't just about that. the baby, they had never really talked about it, it was just following them everywhere we went, like this feeling of tension in the air. Ellie and nick had been distant from each other. Ellie still felt this all-consuming, overwhelming guilt that was eating her up inside. logically Ellie knew that losing the baby wasn't her fault, she was kidnapped and kicked in the stomach, but up until then she was so careful even when she was in denial, this shouldn't have happened. Ellie had been looking for someone to blame since it happened, other than herself that is, for a while she tried to blame Gibbs, it was someone's vendetta against him that cost her a child, but it wasn't his fault. he caught what he thought was a murder and he ended up on death row, she had done it dozens of times. he didn't know that Laxman would come back with a vengeance, so it had to be her fault, she should have protected her baby. 

the front door opened with a loud click, Nick looked up from the spot on the floor he had been staring at on and off for the past hour, expecting to see Ellie, but he was instead greeted with George, Ellie's older brother. "hey, my mom called, wheres Ellie?" George asked, closing the door behind him. "I don't know, she took off out the front door about an hour ago, I don't know where she went." nick said, "well why did she leave?" George asked nick, "I accidentally told her mom something that I shouldn't have because I thought she knew. Ellie totally freaked out and she took off." nick said, "well what did you tell my mom?" George asked, "oh no, I'm not making that mistake again." nick said, shaking his head. "I think I know where she is." George says in a moment of realization, he picks up his car keys and heads towards the front door, "where?" nick asked, "Listen, man, you and Ellie will makeup, you guys clearly love each other, but I think its better to let her come to you." George said, "that's fair." nick said, clearly not happy with the statement, but it made sense. 

Ellie closed her eyes tight as tears rolled down her face, she took a drink from the bottle of bourbon she got from the liquor store around the corner,  the alcohol burned as went down her throat, the same burn she felt every time she went to Gibbs's basement for advice. she had never liked the taste of bourbon before Gibbs, she really only drank it in high school when it was the only alcohol her brothers could get ahold of. "I knew id find you here." Ellie jumped at the sound of George's voice, "I take it mom called." she said, taking another drink from the bottle. "yeah." he said as he sat down next to her. he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, taking the bottle from her hands and having a sip, "why are you drinking bourbon?" he asked, "it grows on you." she responded. he passed the bottle back to her and she took another sip, "I shouldn't even be able to drink this." she said as another tear rolled down her cheek. "what, why not?" George asked, with a puzzled look on his face. "mom didn't tell you?" she asked, setting the bottle of bourbon down beside her. "tell me what?" George asked, "about when I got hurt." Ellie said, "all mom said was that you got hurt at work, but what does that have to do with you not drinking?" George asked, now even more confused. Ellie pursed her lips together and looked up at the ceiling "I was pregnant when it happened and he kicked me in the stomach." as soon as Ellie said those words George pulled her into a hug, "that's why I shouldn't be able to drink this, I should be 3 months pregnant and putting together a nursery, not sitting under my high school bleachers drinking bourbon!" she cried into George's shoulder, "how the hell is being kidnapped and kicked in the stomach your fault?" George asked. somehow having it said out loud helped, if this had happened to someone else then she wouldn't be blaming them, she would be blaming the person who did this to them, and that's who she should blame for what happened, Laxman, and no one else, and she would never stop until he was dead.

George and Ellie spent the next few hours walking around their hometown pointing out the things that stayed the same, and the things that changed. Ellie pulled up to her mother's house and got out of her car, Ellie walked through the house, looking for nick but trying not to wake her mom up, finally she found him, on their back deck looking up at the stars. he smiled as soon as he saw her, even though he should've been mad at her, he motioned for her to come over to him.  Ellie walked over to him and leaned her forehead against his back, and her hands on his chest. "I'm sorry for lashing out earlier, you didn't know and it wasn't your fault. I wasn't even mad at you, I was mad at myself..." she said, "why were you mad at yourself." nick asked, taking her hands and bringing her in front of him, "I blamed myself...about the miscarriage." Ellie said, this was the first time Nick had heard her say the word out loud "but then George pointed something out, if this was happening to anyone else, I wouldn't blame them, I would blame the person who did that to them. that was when I realized I should be blaming Laxman, and I won't stop until we get him." Ellie said  "I love you more than anything, and in no world is this your fault, and I promise you, I will do everything in my power to get Laxman." nick said. nick pulled Ellie in for a kiss, and when their lips touched it was like the first time they kissed all over again. she wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, running her fingers through his hair, going deeper into the kiss. things hadn't been like this in a while, like before everything happened. nick lifted Ellie up onto the railing and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling off his jacket. "hello? is anyone out here, I thought I heard voices-oh!" barbara said, realizing what she had just walked into. nick and Ellie let go of each other immediately "mom-its not-" Ellie said, trying to find something to say "I don't want to know. you are both consenting adults, leave me out of this." barbara said, and then she walked back inside, nick and Ellie burst into quiet, mortified, laughter. "how about we continue this in your bedroom." nick suggested in a whispered tone, "deal." Ellie said as she leads him inside and up the stairs as quietly as possible