One Day at a Time

chapter 4

My friends had left for the night leaving in the house alone. My friends left thinking the most dangerous thing I have was surfing in a simple storm. I wanted to keep it that way but I knew it would be too good to be true. 

I dragged myself up the stairs peeling the wet suit off my body. I stepped into a boiling hot shower that couldn't possibly be safe but this was the reality. I have a tough or friendly exterior on the outside but really I was a mess. I was only 15 and I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn't have day off because who would pick up what had to be done. My mother put me through so much and it was clear she didn't value my life. My father had died leaving me with her. My life was an utter shit show. It caught up to me sometimes like tonight and the pressure continues to build. There is no room to breathe or even crack under it, just keep going. 

I let the hot water cover every inch of my body while lost in my thoughts. Finally when I had used all the hot water I curled into my bed in a sports bra and shorts. I laid on my bed until I drifted off into an unsettling sleep.

Blood trickled down the side of my head covering half of my face.

"This is what happens when you enter places you are not welcome" my mother held the bloody knife she just used to slice my face. Her eyes were clouded with nothing behind them. I couldn't tell if she was sober or not because honestly she was just as psychotic sober as well.

"I-I d-d-didn't m-mean to-o" I stuttered with tears streaming down my cheeks. This 'place' she was referring to was existence. She hated me for existing even though it was her doing that brought me here. I felt myself become more and more dizzy and lightheaded as more blood poured from different parts of my body.

Keep breathing

Keep your eyes open

Fight

My only support was myself.

She raised her arm with knife in hand above her head. In slow motion her arm swung down and the knife pierced into my thigh. I let out a painful scream which only seem to excite her more. She twisted the knife in my thigh and dug deeper with every scream. I looked into her eyes and I didn't recognize the person that looked back, she had an evil smile of amusement.

I woke up gasping for air in a pool of my own sweat. ai reached for the scar on my face making sure it was only a dream. The look of my mother smiling at my pain was forever carved into my mind and was not leaving anytime soon. I looked at the time and it was 4 am. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep so I decided to take advantage and go for a run.

I got up and brushed my teeth before pulling my long hair into a ponytail on the top of my head. I threw on a pair of lulu shorts and a sports bra. I headed downstairs and turned on the coffee pot so that it would be done by the time I got back.

I ran for two hours totaling 26 miles. I got back inside just as sweaty as when I woke up and I felt disgusting. I poured myself coffee while catching my breath. This was my awful routine. Whenever the nightmares came back I would push myself to a breaking point just to see how much I could handle. I downed my coffee and dragged myself back up the stairs. I got into a cold shower washing every part of my body and my hair. I scrubbed all the pain and sweat in hopes to be normal. It was a hopeful dream that would just never happen. Stepping out of the shower I wrapped a large towel around me and my hair. I walked to the closet searching for something to wear. I was super exhausted and had absolutely no energy left in me. I put on a pair of black leggings and a hoodie with nike socks and air forces. I threw my hair into a messy but and called it a day.