Up In Smoke - adopted by all time low

Chapter 4 : destory the middle

⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: mild description of self-harming behaviour⚠️⚠️⚠️
--------------------------------------------------------------

Heat rises and a young girl stands on the top of an unstable platform. The flames surround her and dance back and forth as a silhouette of a boy comes into view. He's swaying slowly back and forth, a voice barely above a whisper sings out the words to a song that the girl can't quite hear. Suddenly, the boy turns sharply and smiles at the girl

"it'll happen again, Ember. They'll find out about your crazy brother and leave you to rot. You were supposed to burn with us. We were all supposed to burn."

Smoke and flames filled the girls lungs as she fell to the floor again.

In a rush of panic, my eyes dart open and I jump, coughing hard as I clear out my throat. Beside me, Rian rubs my back and tries his best to calm me down.

When the coughing fit passes, I give everyone a sheepish grin. I never liked having to explain why I almost always wake up in a panic or a coughing fit.

"You okay?" I roll my eyes and sit back, looking out of the window to see we're on the highway.

"yeah, once everybody stops asking me that. And before you even ask, I always wake up like that. So, you know, feel free to just foster Scarlett."

I don't tear my eyes from the scenery and tune out the reassurance that they'll still foster me. I know it doesn't matter much, as soon they see how fucked up my brain really is and how much work it is to be living with me, they'll send me back to be thrown to someone else.

Rian must have noticed I wasn't listening because he bumps my shoulder lightly to regain my attention. When his attempt is successful, I realize they're still trying to figure out why I'd always wake up coughing. I internally groan in dread of explaining and shift to take off my jacket.

"if you read my file, you know how my family...passed. Well I get nightmares about my past a lot and at the end of them I always feel smoke go into my lungs and that's when I wake up and have to cough to get it out I guess, and it just goes from there." I avoid their gazes as Scarlett pipes up.

"wait wouldn't they be night terrors? I thought only little kids had nightmares." I sigh and shake my head, still not looking up, following a piece of string that must have got stuck to my shoe at the mall.

"anyone can have nightmares, and if it was a night terror id be moving or screaming or shit like that while I'm asleep and I don't do that."

Scarlett looked a little embarrassed and sunk back into the seat. Guilt built up in my stomach for making her feel bad but I couldn't take it back now. I've always been snappy when I'm anxious and I never knew how to change that.

The remainder of that car ride was mostly silence aside from the soft hum of music playing through the radio. I had kept my eyes on the road beside us and smiled as the kid in the next car over waved at me. I didn't know the kid but I guess they like waving at random people.

Back at the care home, Scarlett and I hugged the band members before we went our separate ways.
I only hugged Rian but the look of disappointment from the others made a small lump form in my stomach. There was a lot of guilt building up in me today.

I ignore the lump as I close my door behind me and sigh against it.

I decided to move all my bags and set them by the door so I wouldn't loose track of them before I laid back on my bed, playing a random playlist through my ear buds as I let my eyes close and quietly sing along.

Does anyone have the time to bring me down?

I feel warmth on my cheek and swipe my finger on it to realize I've started crying. I sigh deeply and flip over on my bed, unlocking my phone and hesitating to open my contacts.

And brother if you have the chance to pick me up?

Shakily, I type out the message and let out a breath I forgot I was holding when it sends, biting my nails while I stare at the Screen.

To: amber

Thanks for the necklace amb, happy late 15. I know you're probably busy but I could really use a talk. A serious one. I went to gene's grave....

I refreshed the message several times before glancing at the time.

Sighing, I realize she won't response and plant my phone back in my pocket, rapidly wiping my face of tears, pushing my balled up fists into my screwed-shut eyes.

When I open them again and let my head fall gently to the side, my gaze catches the uncapped x-acto knife laying on my desk. Without a thought I grab it and push up my sleeve, lightly pressing it to my skin. My consciousness screams at me to lock the door and I quickly realize what I was about to do.

I throw the knife away from me in shock and pull my knees up to my chest, breaking down in sobs. I try to catch my breath but I only feel my lungs burn in protest. I can hardly hear anything over the pounding of my own heart and my own crying, so of course I don't hear when my door is pushed open.

I jump when someone tightly wraps me in a hug and I only cry harder when I realize that it's Scarlett. I try to apologize for being a dick the entire day but I can't get the words out. Scarlett shushes me and rubs circles into my back, her other arms loosely holding onto my head as she rocks me gently back and forth.

I feel sleep washing over me and I hold back a laugh as I realize the song I had been listening to was still going.

I felt my body going limp and closed my eyes, allowing myself to relax into a void of sleep.

I won't breathe tonight as long as I still, hear the drums of the city rain