You Are Every Season - Book 2

Eighteen

Warning - reference to past childhood trauma.

"Gulf, I hope you know that I would never hurt you?" / "I wouldn't let you hurt me" came Gulf's response, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Mew was reminded of this moment, an exchange that had taken place in the first weeks of their union, as he watched the younger man now. The alpha himself was leaning against the door frame of the bedroom in their Khao Yai retreat, and Gulf - well Gulf was sitting on the tiled floor with his back against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest.

What can I say now? Mew grasped internally - How do I fix this...bring him back to himself? The pain he felt for his omega cut more deeply than any surgical wounds ever had. He wanted more than anything to rush to him and hug his faen so tightly that nothing from this world could find even the tiniest gap in their embrace to worm through and hurt him ever again.But he didn't. That was his own need, not Gulf's, and now was not a time to think of himself. What Gulf needed now, Mew sensed as he looked on, was to exist his own space for a while - his own little bubble - with Mew waiting, patient and quiet, at his side until he was ready to look at him again. The younger man could never be forced - attack was his standard form of defence when triggered - so his mate knew to stand off, stand by, with blankets of gentle comfort ready to be given when asked for.

And when they were asked for, he would give Gulf whatever he needed. Because he just loved him, to death and beyond. The familiar searing pain shot to his teeth - the itch to bite. Not now, Mew soothed as he reached to massage his jaw, but very soon the time will come, alpha. He knew it in his human heart.

//

Gulf, too, was floundering in memories:

The single tear that had fallen from his uncle's eye some twenty years earlier, as he turned from the children in resignation, to leave them at the gates of a local government building. The dull thud of hatred that had entered his young heart when he saw it.

Gulf had thought about that tear many, many times as he was growing up. Had been haunted by the scene even in his dreams. What had the tear meant to its owner? And what should it mean to the witness, little boy Gulf?

Now, as he sat huddled on the unforgiving hardness of the floor - the light at the window beginning to make its transition from afternoon yellow to evening pink - he felt he was that little
boy once more. The loneliness, the hopelessness, the nothingness. It all came back now in tidal waves of unmanageable damage. He had been sitting for hours, hours since the video had ended and the screen faded back to black. How could he fight this numbness, this sinkhole that was dragging him into its depths, pulling Gulf Kanawut, the bravest Kana, under the surface to drown. 'Help me', he begged silently, 'Say my name. Know me'.

And suddenly, as if it had been waiting for permission, a voice spoke. Clear and firm and brimming with warmth. The air of a Summer breeze as he gasped for oxygen under those murky waters.

It was the voice of his mate. It was Mew.

"Gulf Kanawut", it said.

Startled from the stranglehold of his isolation, the omega raised his head from his knees. Yes, Mew was there, seated also on the floor as he rested back against the opposite wall of the room - had he been there all along? - but he was not looking at Gulf. His eyes were focused on the dusk chorus of birds in the tree outside the window. Lips unmoving, pressed together in a worried line.

Yet the voice went on...

"You know who you are... ...You are real, you are vulnerable, you are brutal, vicious, flawed, over-defensive and honest to a fault. You are brave and kind and determined and intelligent and strong. You are soft, you are loving, you are proud and you are loyal. You are Gulf Kanawut. It's enough now. Rise again, my omega, know yourself as you always have.

And then, it began to sing.

It was the song Gulf had heard as he slept on his mate's chest in the hospital bed - but now it was complete:

'You are the warm breeze that passes through me when my heart is shaking
Like a morning sun that clear away my loneliness
You are the misty wind that blows to delight my heart
Like a shining star in the darkness of the night
You are every season that I'm waiting for, the only one in my heart
In this world, there are no other words more than love
That I can repeat to you, to say how I feel for you
All of my heart will be only for you
You are the love song that I always listen to every night
You are thе sweet dream on my longest night
You are my today, tomorrow and еvery day
You are the last one that stays in my heart
You are every season that I'm waiting for, the only one in my heart
In this world, there are no other words more than love
That I can repeat to you, to say how I feel for you
All of my heart will be only for you
In this world, there are no other words more than love
That I can repeat to you, to say how I feel for you
All of my heart will be only for you'

And as the soft melody faded away, the soothing, winking, pink blush of the evening sunlight pooled around Mew where he rested, gaze still on the outside world.

"I love you", his voice whispered, in Gulf's mind.

".....Let me bite you", Gulf finally whispered back.

Credit: English translation of lyrics from 'Season of You' by Mew Suppasit